Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Former-Member

I am looking out of the window and see the torrential rain. And I know there will be sunshine again some day soon. I hope the storm will not leave too much damage for anyone in the badly affected areas and I hope everyone will stay safe. But we all know that this storm will pass.

Perhaps this is a good day to remember your suggestion and mention of hope. Yes, the rain is inconvenient and I will not go for a walk, nor sit in the garden, nor pick flowers for my vase. I will probably not even drive to the gym and I don't need to do any shopping. I will do the same as yesterday, rest and do little things inside the house. Perhaps I should see my down days more like this. Accepting I cannot do everything I normally do, but knowing that it won't take long before I can again.

Stay safe and thank you!

[Former-Member]

Hi All,

Today has been another turbulent day. Just in my head, nothing happened... Or nothing I identified that should have been a reason to feel the way I did.

Still upset and angry again. Something needs to change. I'm home now and relaxing at the fire - not looking forward to see the gp tomorrow - last time I wouldn't talk to him. I hate myself when I'm confused and lost.

[Silenus]

Dropping by with a hug @Former-Member

@Former-Member - some great points about the cyclical nature of mood swings and about the positive aspects of our down times. Thank you for this...

Personally, I believe it is possible to get to a stage where you don't need to hope and live for the good times. Instead of just enduring the lows or the mood swings, I believe it is possible to peacefully, gently and acceptingly move through these periods without significant collateral damage to self or others...

It's about being gentle to yourself. I used to waste so much precious life energy, fighting myself and hating myself and being angry and frustrated that I wasn't better...

It was the mental equivalent of being annoyed at having a broken leg, and continually punching that leg in frustration... why, oh why do this? Why prolong the agony? Why add to the hurt?

It took a surprisingly long time to come to that realisation, but once I did, the insight set me free...

Instead of punching my broken leg, I accept my bed rest and quiet time, and focus on healing. For my mental health, I can't begin to tell you what a wonderful turning point it was...

I don't need to tough it out during the bad times any more, because I have transformed those bad times to "quiet time" good times within my head. By stopping the fighting and the anger about it, I then give myself the best possible chance of healing and recuperating...

We have a surprising amount of power to rewrite the reality around us using the faculties of our minds. Often, we make our realities much worse by projecting all of this internal hurt, struggle and conflict onto everything, and that has the power to sweep us away...

But with presence, observation, awareness and insight, we can rewrite our realities. It is even possible to project a calm warm loving gentle inner peace onto the most chaotic and extreme of life situations...

Life is indeed a grand journey, and reality is the soft clay that awaits our busy hands...

[Former-Member]

Hugs @Silenus

How are you and how is your job hunt going?

I have not much to say, I think I am in a cloud of nothingness at the moment. I just know things are not working out for me right now, I am not coping. I see my psychiatrist this week, we might have to make a few changes.

Thinking of you and walking barefoot through the grass. I think I should move to somewhere warm.

[GonePirate]

I'm also no professional but your first post sounds a lot like your rapid cycling to me
it must be exhausting to feel so many different fluctuating emotions throughout the day

waves upon waves beating down upon the shore erode even the most stable of structures

sometimes there just sorry isn't a trigger that's just something ive learnt from myself

but i also dont rapid cycle

my cycles are usually 2 -6 weeks in length but ive had highs and lows that have lasted much longer

thankyou for atrting this thread as i have gained alot of insight from it

[Former-Member]

I've wondered same things..I've read a little of this thread it's interesting. I'm incredibly exhausted. Sometimes I'm agitated & annoyed at everything. It's hard work keeping on as a mum. Tick,tick yes my psychologist says I've high anxiety. But really I find that unhelpful. I normally walk a fair bit to keep mood happier. But some days I'm too tired. It feels like the same cycle, over & over..I think I'm relatively smart, learnt to adjust in life but the dips of low wear me out. I may well wake up thinking it's all rainbows tomorrow. I on & off dissociate..what's with that...like I get I'm triggered..is it merely a coping strategy? I think I'm just so tired, it was coming.

[Former-Member]

I'm with you @Former-Member. Right now I just want to shout that I'm so ********* sick of mood swings, of not feeling in control, of not knowing which way is ******** up. RANT OVER. 😁😠😡😩😤😱

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member..err it's tiring..sometimes I go so far I wonder what the he'll are we doing here? I can reason out every monotony, I can seem as rational, sane,calm to cover the show but it's tiring. A life's work of masking tired! So I just keep going, fronting the frontiers, dealing the deals. My psychologist said a label is good and well, but then what to do with it?!! Lol...that's funny

[Former-Member]

What is it like for you when you dissociate @Former-Member. I'm not sure if I do. Sometimes I think I do. Mostly for me it's my over reaction to small things that causes things to go from 20 - 100 instantly and that causes the emotional exhaustion but I think your right anxiety floored me today too. But I don't understand my moods yet I just know I often have 4 seasons in one day. Sorry I'm really whingy, probably need to pull my head in again. I hope tomorrow you find a rainbow 🌈 Yeah labels are cute NOT but they don't help much with the fixing part, that's for magic wands 😜😝

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member..um the Times I have its like a heightened feeling, as if looking down upon myself, the world...It's all moving etc around me, but I'm not connected to it. I go somewhere else, leave in spirit but my body drives me around. I think it's undressed extreme stress it happens like this. Once I recall doing it, looking I'm the mirror & not seeing myself at all. That freaked me out. Long time ago. Ha,ha yes definitely magic wands are the golden ticket! 😜 Tonight I plan on quiet if possible. I think the lady next door O.D today. Kinda rattled me.