My wife has Personality Disorder (BPD or Narcisitic or obsesive) or all togherther

[eskimos]

Hi All.

I am the desperate husband of a good woman who unconsciously nearly destroyed our married and caused that our 20 yo son wanted to commit suicide. All this last year which I never forgot (covid is just a tingle only for me). 

But because of our son's problem finally, my wife is being diagnosed (bit still not to the end I reckon) with a personality disorder. But last few years things get from good to bad to awful. We thought and GP as well that it was her depression, anxiety, even the psychologist did not pick up her condition.

Long story short. Her state is bad, she is so stressed and obsessed that the world is against her, developed chronic caught (100's testy eliminate all fiscal reasons of this caught), due to cough incontinent, due to COVID scary to go out as she caught is symptoms of covid to many people. 

She unloaded sometimes so much hate on me as things go out of control that I can not pick up myself for weeks.

Psychiatrist who we saw told us to get a lot of help and read on the internet (which get me to find this forum), even go to church, it was very depressing for me as sounds kind of hopeless. But he told us that for him she is the first patient with that condition (not very encouraging).

I have read here that is not true, that there are some hope and life after this.

Moreover, I have MS and my wife suppose to be my carer but now I am her carer and protector of our kids not to get more harm from that undiagnosed on-time condition.

I am in Melbourne (southeast)  if there are people here from somewhere around HELP please, I need a good GP for her, I need a good Psychiatrist, any help. 

At least I have a good psychologist for myself and my son.  But she can't do anything.

Sorry for the bit of chaotic writing but ...

[Former-Member]

Hi @eskimos ,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out. Sounds like a really tough and complicated time for you at the moment.

I really hope you get the support you are looking for through this forum.

I would also suggest maybe trying to call the SANE Australia Help Center during our opening hours of Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm on 1800 18 7263 and speaking to one of our counsellors, as there seems to be a lot of areas you are covering in this post.

Please take care,

Radius

[eskimos]

Hi @Former-Member,

Thank you for the quick response, I am having a problem with calls as they need privacy which I do not have often, anyway I will try to call asap.

I am just a scared, exhausted man trying to save my family and keep my kids sane but my wife is thinking that I am the one who destroys it and her. Very depressing.

[Eve7]

I am Just going to tag a couple of members who might understand what you’re going through @eskimos @Former-Member @Determined @BPDSurvivor 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @eskimos ,

Thanks for your post. I can hear things are quite tough for you at the moment.

I am glad you have support for yourself and your son. That is absolutely crucial. Whether your wife's behaviour has a label yet or not, it is so important for you to have ongoing support.

I myself have BPD, and definitely, you can recover from it. It takes time, dedication, persistence and hard work, but it is totally worth it. However, you cannot DO the work for her. She needs to want to see things change, and only then can she work at it.

From your post, at this point in time, it sounds like you need a breather. Try the STOP technique:

Stop

Take a breath

Observe

Proceed

Making a bit of space between you and your seemingly overwhelming position will allow more clarity.

Please remember self care at this time. Feel free to continue posting as you feel the need. I'm here for you.

BPDSurvivor

[eskimos]

Hi @BPDSurvivor ,

Your post is liveline for me, so there is a hope. I use stop technic as my son need it so our walls even has STOP signs glued.

I will kindly ask you what steps are needed to recovery? Just recently my wife and I read description of her condition from sane website. I understand it many symptoms fit to her spot on. But she expect that i as a loving husband will agree to all her controlling and putting me down talking. My son could not stand it, and she made him to afraid even to go to the shop for groceries as whatever he bought she always criticised him. The same to myself even when I fix something at home she is not happy as i didn't  o that her way. 

Anyway please guide me a bit.

[Trauma_Scars]

Hi eskimos,

It sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment. The treatment that works best for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a therapy called DBT - Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. As you live in Melbourne, you should have fairly good access to services that provide this therapy. It is a very good way to build coping skills that are helpful and will also help your wife understand her disorder and the behaviours that come with it.

DBT is wonderful and well worth the effort and time, but your wife will need to be ready and dedicted as it is quite an intensive therapy.

Good luck and I hope things improve soon.

Trauma_Scars

[Determined]

Hi @eskimos  I have just come across your post now (thanks for the tag @Eve7 )

I can't add much more to what has been said just atm as I am in a bit of hole here...  except.to agree with @Trauma_Scars  that your wife is going to want to change and be prepared / have tj3 capacity to put in some hard work. Unfortunately often when unwell as you have described getting out of bed is hard work for our loved ones so not necessarily a case of not wanting to so please don't see that as negative criticism.  Just my experience. 

You can read some of our journey Here which may help.

Link on page 1 goes back through our journey beginning in a major crisis. 

Happy to try and answer any questions or just listen.

I can say that there was a time where I wondered if we would ever come through as a family intact but it is possible. We (as a family) still have issues but are a world away from where we were. In a good way. 

Biggest key is to engage in effective self care. I didn't and have health issues as a consequence 🙁

[eskimos]

Thank you so much it is what my wife needs. Her GP told her recently about that kind of therapy but she rejected and she is not ready probably. All things need to be slow for her from now on since diagnosis. That what I was told during today's psychologist session. Good to hear that you have positive feedback about that treatment.

[eskimos]

Thank you very much for your word or support. Its mean a lot to me. I have a lot to catch up on and read.
That self-care issue is as I recently discovered very very important. I just started to visit a psychologist and it is so much better in my mindset now. I have my own health issue and I need to remember to care about myself even more than for my wife. As my psych said I can't fix her.