I have acheived a lot before @Teej in my life, but those acheivements have been so hard won. I have had to fight for everything in my life, right from the time I was a small girl. My clothing and personal effects were often stolen by other children, and there was nothing that could be done. My nursing degree was a huge challenge as was my career. I was bullied frequently, and ridiculed. I never fitted in anytime, anywhere. I had no control over anything in my life early on, which lead to an ED in my teens and the first of several SAs.

My nursing career gave me some control over my life. But I still had to fight many battles, not only professionally but personally. I lost my home in my 30s. And so many other things. And I am tired @Teej. Tired of fighting for my life. When do I get a break? When does life change for the better? There's not much that resonates right now. And the volunteering I am loosing enthusiasm for.

My SI this time around has been about 2 or more years. Last year was the worst. I haven't even calculated how many SA there have been. It has been less intense since my most serious SA in Jan this year, as has my SH, but it has returned with an intensity in the last few weeks. I can't come up with any goals at all, I have zero direction or plans. I am just plodding along until something maybe fits or feels ok. Right now, not much feels right.