My Mosaic

[Shaz51]

hello and hugs @Bow 😍

aare you in your 30s @Jynx 😎

[Jynx]

@Shaz51 yeah I am! Hehe how'd you know? 

@Bow what the actual.... that's a sucker punch of a day, for sure. 

Such a tricky one, see there's one part of me that is adamant, like 'nup screw that, they are not at ALL respecting your agency', but then another part of me is like 'oh but there IS a learning opportunity there'. 

One of the things I learned at uni is that relationship rupture and repair is a normal part of the therapeutic process. Oftentimes clients will be unconsciously re-enacting the roles of their primary relationships, and so by learning how to resolve the conflict with their therapist they can begin applying this new learning to their own relationships too. 

But there's a difference between a rupture, and outright incompatibility. 

You reckon that from the get-go, it's been uncomfortable with this psych to a degree, right? Like has there been sessions where you walked away like 'omg wow, she really gets me, she sees me!'? Cos that's how I feel walking out of my sessions. 

Ohhhh POOR BABY!! Is kitty ok? And poor Bow!! Nightmare journey, vet visits are so stressful even at the best of times!! 

So many hugs comin atcha 🫂🫂🫂

[Bow]

Yeah @Jynx  ive never really felt comfortable with her. I have really tried. I’ve pushed myself to feeling very uncomfortable so that I can try and gel with her, but it’s just never really got anywhere. So totally not like I haven’t tried. Just feel like this that has happened over the last week has been the straw that broke the camels back. 

I have never walked out of a session with her with that wow moment. And that’s a lot of sessions that really feel like a complete waste. 

poor little Nessarose, it happened real quick. She was fine this morning, put them back in the playpen when I went out and she was fine. But when I get home from my appointment let her out again and she was just not herself. Meowed when I picked her up in pain. Wouldn’t play or anything, just sat there. glad I called and took her out cause she had a fever or 40.2c! And was obviously in pain. Vet reckons it’s a reaction to the vaccine she got last week. They give live vaccines and sometimes they will get cold and flu and congested and other times they have a more serious reaction with fever and arthritic pain. So they have kept her to get her temp down over the weekend. Thankfully they cover all the costs!

I really need hugs @Jynx lots of them cause I really not doing ok

[Jynx]

@Bow mmm sounds a bit like you've been pushing crap up a hill. Difficult, pointless, and probably pretty stinky. And the response feels like 'we know what's good for you. If you're not improving it's cos you're not trying hard enough'. Which is absolute BULL. Lack of therapeutic progress is like any relationship conflict - it takes two to tango!! 

Aww lil baby!! Hoping for a swift recovery!! 

Hugs coming in hot!! Squishy ones, long ones, ones where I pick you up and spin you round... ALL DA HUGS!! 

🫂🫂🫂🫂

[Bow]

Dang it @Jynx  thats like exactly what it’s been like…. 

Pushing crap up a hill, Difficult, pointless, and probably pretty stinky. And the response feels like 'we know what's good for you. If you're not improving it's cos you're not trying hard enough'. 

You get it. You get me. You get me so well. 

thank you 

[Jynx]

@Bow any time darlin! 

Ugh, systemic trauma is the worst. Cos it happens on a personal level it can be hard to see when it's happening hey. I've been following this amazing therapist on instagram (find her here!) and she posts a lot about the changes desperately needed in the mh field. One of them I read recently was all about that sense of like... 'we know best, and if you're not coping it's a personal failure' - completely ignoring that being alive in the modern world is inherently traumatising, and that in fact most of us are just responding rationally to the world around us. 

That was a long-winded way of saying that you have every right to feel the way you do... haha my rambling skills are unmatched!

[Bow]

Yep that’s for sure @Jynx 

Thanks for listening today…. Well all week and last really! Oh you know I appreciate ya every day! 
I’ve not long crawled into. All this stuff makes me tired. So gonna love ya and leave ya. Hope ya got some fun chill things planned for the coming days 💜

[Jynx]

Well deserved rest for sure my dear @Bow 

Nighty night hun, hope you catch plenty of snoozles!! 

💜

[Bow]

TW:

Content/trigger warning

If only in the beat of a heart,

Life would end.

It would be no more.

Life that was would come to an end.

A complete stop.

There would be stillness and calm

No more raging and confusion.

No more pain and heartache.

Just the stillness and coldness

A lifeless soul

An emotionalness spirit

Thankful for no more suffering

Just the scars of a tormented mind

It’s the only evidence of what once was

What no one seemed to understand

Of this child’s suffering

Which left her to bleed alone.

[Jynx]

Added a tw for you @Bow and I'm gonna send an email in a hot tick 💜