Lived Experience Forum

[Dark_Olena]

I have all these emotions and hate my mind. I feel attachments to strangers and public service people I see on a frequent bases.  I am lonely and feel drawn by certain body language from people, usually I’m drawn to perceived negative insecurities, like I know I am highly sensitive and empath. When I dont get my fix on just seeing them from a glance I suffer abandonment, so when they are gone or vanished it’s a huge rejection. I dont even know what this is and maybe its limmerence. It has no romance tendencies, just connection and being liked I guess. I hate being older because there is less in my life. It is an addiction of sorts, because the object is not there much anymore and I feel empty. Does anyone know what is happening here? there was hardly any real connection just an imagined one. Now I cant see there vibe or body language and it is like a huge grieving process. 

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Dark_Olena,

It sounds like you have a lot going on around your thinking and your emotions right now. I think it's brave of your to share your truth with us. Hopefully just writing them down and putting them out there can help you process things a a bit.

I'm wondering if you have spoken to a professional around how you are feeling? Maybe it would be good to have a professional's opinion / thoughts on this? I can read the struggles and pain in your words and I really feel for you. Being a HSP / empath can be very tiring at the best of times (I would say I am a HSP). From my experience this means you spend a lot of time being aware of other peoples emotions and you pick up on peoples behaviours, body language etc which a lot of other people don't seem too notice. For me it feels like I am in a constant hypervigilant state when I am around others - I always want to make sure everyone's okay (even before myself).

Maybe these connections you describe give you a human connection? I think that is very understandable as we all want to feel connected to people. 

I look forward to what others think and I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

Warm regards,

FloatingFeather

[ArraDreaming]

What? Nobody here can give you an answer

[Messylife]

OMG. These could be my words.
I just want to understand the feelings and get some validation it is not all in my head.
My 'special friend' has just sent me a scathing message. I feel completely blindsided. I thought I knew this vibe we had going. 30 years now. I guess it was all in my head.
I feel insane. The wires all crossed in my head.

I wonder if we have been gaslighted for too long and don't trust our feelings or thoughts.

[justanotherguy]

Hi @Dark_Olena

Have you tried 'people-watching'? In Italy or France or any place with a cafe culture people will go to a town square and just watch people walk past while they have a coffee or baguette, it's completely normal. We are social creatures and even to be around others is theraputic, I did this a lot on medication as I felt lonely and just wanted to see other people being normal to 'normalise' my own thoughts.

[Flotsam]

@Dark_Olena 

It is very human to want connection. Have you thought about joining a club or group or even church, to maybe find connections? Only you know what you like to do and if this is something that appeals to you. The local tourist information can often have information on local community groups. Your local library might have something. A tafe course could be a way to meet some people. It can be really hard to make friends as adults. You might even get information through a local Facebook group. 

I am on new medication, now my sadness is heavy, mushy and tingly, it settles on me like a wave as soon as I wake up, it lifts a little in the afternoons. I hope you find some relief soon. 

[Dark_Olena]

Hi, I didn’t know I had any new replies. Sorry your special friend sent you a scathing message. Hopefully they have let you know in a better way and said sorry. I know about the wires in the mind, like a tangled mess. I do not trust my feelings or thoughts. I just dont know where I fit in this world. It’s all bla for me.

[tyme]

Hearing you @Dark_Olena .

We're here to listen if you'd like some company.

If you are responding to anyone, you can type "@" in front of their name. That way, they will receive a notification.

Hope that helps.

[Dark_Olena]

Hi, I’ve just seen this and I dont know that I’ll ever have the chance to see France or
Spain. My 32 year old son is on month break from mining in Papua and will be in France and Spain first time in a couple of days. I will mention the people watching in the town square with a croissant and coffee. He is excited for the food and history. I hate the feeling of disconnection and loneliness though I am busy and with my daughter and husband. Thanks for your reply

[Dark_Olena]

Hi I didn’t know I had new replies. I have been part of a church in the past and it was a nice feeling of belonging and community. I no longer can bring myself to go back. Too much anxiety. I am always doing something with my daughter with her NDIS and provider appointments but it’s not the same . Thankyou