Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hello All

I’m struggling, big ways. I soon have an admission, but until then I don’t know where else to turn. Reaching out to family, friends and my care team is difficult over the holiday season, Sane helpline not available, so I turn to you and count the days to admission and try to keep myself safe. I’ve promised to stay safe. I’ve promised not to self-harm. But it is hard. I try distract myself by planning a tattoo instead of another evidence of self-harm. I go to sleep when the feeling to stop it all is overwhelming. And I try to be cheerful for the people around me and support them to understand why I will start the new year with an admission. Life is difficult at the moment. I am willingly going to hospital so I don’t have to fight on my own, I want other people to help me stay safe. I am tired of fighting my own thoughts and longings.

[Chris]

Hi kiren

I can hear how much you are struggling right now. And it is so hard at this time of year when need extra support.  Services are in very short supply at a time when people are under so much stress.

It sounds like you are doing your very best to use skills you have learned to help you through this time. Well done. Keep chipping away at it. I know that at times like you face now. It can be a minute,  no second by second to keep yourself safe. Sometimes i find it helpful to go for a walk outside. Have a look at my garden. Smell the roses. 

Have you got a favourite place that you like to go to?  How about going out for a coffee, and just watch the world go by. Sometimes that change can help lift our mood.

Im happy you reached out here today. I dont feel crash hot myself today. But you have reminded me there are people who care. There are people who understand the day to day struggle.

I will check back in a little while and see how you are travelling.

Thinking of you.

[Former-Member]

Thank you for your support Chris. I hope you are doing ok.

To be honest my favourite place is my bed, earplugs to cancel out any noise and just ignore the world. It seems like a treat within the hustle and bustle. I struggle to find joy in people, places and things that I loved. I just want to survive for now. But I have duties, mundane tasks as I like to call them, and they help distract, even for a short time.

[Chris]

My favorite place too.I sleep alot when really down. I spent all Friday in bed sleeping. I felt so exhusted after having family with me 24/7 over christmas. I love my family, but i find it overwhelming. I guess we all do what we have to, to keep our selves safe when we feel so low. I find it very hard to reach out when i feel at my worst.

Im glad you have a planned admision. It does show that you want to live. You want a safe place to hold and support you.  You want things to change.

Well you have motivated me to have a shower and get dressed. My husband has just arrived home from work. Hes not feeling too well, but i think i will take myself out for coffee for a while.

I will check back in with you in a couple of hours.  Stay safe.

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Former-Member I collapsed on my bed so often I also struggled with needing that, but accepting my bed and its comfort and security as my entitlement was a turning point. It helped me get well and eventually after years I found myself "leaping" out of bed. I was amazed where that energy came from but it must have been me finally catching up with my sleep and rest needs. 

Planning a tattoo is a GREAT IDEA.  It is facing the fact of being in one's own skin and the RANGE OF FEELINGS WE FEEL UNDER OUR SKIN.  Turning self harm styles into more creative or even mundane things has helped me.  It could be a celebration of "kicking the habit" tattoo?  

Wishing you the best. Take care

[Former-Member]

Thank you Chris and Appleblossom

I’ll go for a nap now.

I’ve been thinking of getting a teal ribbon as a tattoo with a semicolon. Perhaps I can get the tattoo over one of the scars.

[Lemonjuice]

@Former-Member

Hi Kirin,

I'm around a bit during these days too. I don't know much about you though to have a conversation. Maybe you could tell me a bit about yourself. Do you have a hobby? Are you studying? Anything or nothing at all...whatever you feel comfortable with.

As myself, I'm 50, female, single and I live with my mum and niece and nephew. I've gone back to study...psychology. I like fishing.

[Chris]

Hope you had a good sleep and feeling a bit better.

Well im back home. A comedy of errors really. The plan was to head to the beach and maybe go for a walk. Well i got half way there and decided to fiil up with fuel. All well untill i went to pay and i realised i had taken the wrong card with me. It was cancelled.  So i had to go home and get the right card. So i lost an hour. By which time i couldnt be bothered to drive the rest of the way to the beach. There was a large shopping centre near by so i figured i would go there. At least it was air conditioned. Well it was very busy. But i eventually got my coffee. As well as a pair of shoes on sale and a  top and three quarter pants (not really in my plan?)

Anyway back home now. And i think its much cooler here than where i just came from.

My cat came to greet me (hes disappeared again now ive fed him) Husband still asleep, and i am enjoying the quiet.

Ill be back later to see if you have checked in.

[Former-Member]

Hi, just checking in.

[Lemonjuice]

How are you doing?