Everything music

[StuF]

Yeah @tonys  - no way I'd line up against Joel!!! lol

[Former-Member]

Yeh @Glisten 

I did eventually, actually forgot I had work I, lucky was msg’d. 🤦🏼‍♀️
No sleep due to stirring myself up, shouldn’t have gone there, it got to me. I know I will never get full answers. They actually reveal in time. 
From time to time I don’t sleep, no reason. 😊

@StanD 

Got fam support, one still in dark ages. Says helpful comments, then wish kept silent like last time. Talk to services with knowledge, impacts on MH etc. 

I become the new crumbled cookie they focus on making whole, with fam-  not helpful. 😔

Just want to be heard- no judgement.

I don’t want to be glum. 
I am glad your head is feeling better, it doesn’t sound like you travel well some days. I understand, it’s a lot on the body. But like you said to me, it’s the small things we can find that spark joy. We have to keep finding them and holding them because it is how we return. 🥰

[Former-Member]

I hope this may bemuse someone.

It does me.

As I find my way home, lighting some kind of good essence as I pass on by town to town …life. 

@Glisten @TAB @tonys 
@Bunniekins @StanD @StuF @Meleny 

https://youtu.be/Adgx9wt63NY?si=RWGhlrIn1gpgmuMO

[StuF]

Hadn't heard from them in a long time @Former-Member !!!

[tonys]

Hey all..   Its pouring here.  Hope The days got a bit off good in it for you all..

https://youtu.be/qj44stHz49g?si=_TsNeTXqWb7hDyp-  

I need to pay more attention to wind socks,   thats it..  

Have a good one.

@Former-Member   @StuF   @TAB @Glisten  @Bunniekins   everyone,,                                             tonys

[StanD]

Thanks @StuF @TAB @Former-Member @Glisten 

Just want to be heard- no judgement.

I think you have come to right place 😎😊

There is basically no judgement here, unlike, incidentals that can occur in daily life.

I think most ppl here understand MH. It's not all pretty, & neat. Addictions, insomnia, traumas, self harm, suicidal tendencies, nightmares, finding good services, respite, hospitalisation. I think we try to support each other however we can. We all carry this guilt - not the right carbon copy the world expects. Our thoughts, happiness, & sadness run deep.

It's difficult to enter mainstream society, where things like emotions are considered liabilities. Idk, I'm making it up.

MH struggles dont simply happen, for most part - there is entire history, & I think for everyday person, it is too confronting.

Lots of people say the wrong thing, because they have NFI what on earth to say.

Not that, this is helpful,

& OMG, the neverending of me making allowances for others lack of education.

It's not anyone's fault, though it is us, the vulnerable, that seem to always pay the highest price. 

Try not to be hard on yourself for reaching out to family members in dark ages.

You did right thing. You wanted support & took action. 

I want easy. That is all. 

Yeh, my body & mind have never experienced these sensations -

that is not true.

This is first time I have awareness. 

The spark of happiness,

is that, even tho it's horrible to go through - the

alternative.

I have no timeline, no specific diagnosis, no manual - my body is triggered by almost everything.

I recently learnt there is thing called relaxation induced anxiety . I already knew this, I didn't have the words.

If one more person tells me to take deep breaths!!

My body cannot do that - it is trauma - not garden variety stress. (Sorry, that is a tad flippant)

I am horrified. my trauma is causing me, panic.

I never knew (had actual awareness) of what was happening to me. 

I am also good.

The most healthy, independent, strong, I have ever been. 

But yeh, the symptoms I cannot control. It tends to happen, any time. Gosh, it makes me feel disabled, incapable. 

I don't see myself like that at all.

I am accepting, IT IS OK TO BE SICK. I haven't fully accepted.

I am desperate to get my life back. Doc started me on new meds. My sleep felt so restful last night. The most. .....

And then, upon waking - I'm back in trauma.

It's a paradox.

The more I let myself feel safety, the more 'relaxation induced anxiety ' I experience. 

I srsly ask myself - what is the f$&+ing point?! I have a body & brain that is too disabled to cope with daily life tasks.

I think if I didn't get new meds... I don't want to think.

The meds are working - it takes 3 days. I am on day 2. 

I'm not happy about the handful of tablets I take each morning & night.

I'm not happy, that I have no roadmap as to how this ends.

If.

When.

Each day, the news seems to get worse?

Thankyou for giving me my advice. I don't recall saying it! Thankyou for your kindness & care. As @StuF gave me the best word.

 

I love my sparks ❤️ resting on the couch. Connecting with friends on here - who actually GET IT. Enjoying a good movie, or song ..... My animals, whom I am totally blessed to have. They have saved my life. The people who have been critical in my recovery

🦋🦋🦋 Of hope. Everywhere. Often hidden, tho they remain no matter what.

Sorry, I've lost track of what I was saying. ...

Meh 

Love. 💕🦄

A smile, wave from a stranger, can be worth 10x the hurt from a 'loved one.' I guess that is how I see it anyway.

Your family basically have to love you. (Well, they may say they do ?? What is that??)

A stranger - that is a choice. 

Sorry, I said way to much. I think it's my anxiety talking. Maybe there are some healthy seeds in there. Chuck the rest in compost xx 

@Glisten @Bunniekins @Appleblossom 

[Glisten]

@StanD  I see you StanD. I am so much less anxious in the forum. There’s nothing to prove, no one is bullsh!ting - what would be the point? None of us asked for the hand we’ve been dealt.

Treading water while we learn to swim.

G

https://youtu.be/NXYNPO3zIj8?si=gCsQpAKVBK5YNmCb

[Former-Member]

@StanD 

You are ok. I read a-lot of truth in your words, and you do express what others will hide. 
I certainly get what you meant by emotions considered a liability. It’s not a simple measure, I become hyper vigilant, under stress that I have let go too long. Not intentional.
I recall being cornered (what felt like) at a party.
A question was directed to me, in turn my response was not as expected. They were dumbfounded! Fight or flight mode!!

I would keep questioning with better professionals if you are not happy with an answer. Some are quite frankly crap. Met them, and waved them goodbye! 😂 

[Former-Member]

@tonys 

I’ll always find the sun. One day glowing golden in all its glory again.

*Always, always. Always the sun..stranglers..

Driving this evening we saw a lovely setting in the sky. Beauty we find often in odd places, even if the place was left empty.

[tonys]

@Former-Member .   This would normally be the part where I ask,  are you ok,  but I know what a brave face looks like.  Your right.  Beauty is to be found all around us if we just know how to reach out and touch it.

Meet it half way.      I don't know what tough choices you have to make.  I just know its hard.

There is a beauty to be found in the rear vision mirror after a tough choice though.

 The tougher the choice,  the more meaningful the beauty.

You'll get through this,  I know you will.  and we are with you on that journey Fadin.

Thinking of you.   Fadin my friend.                                                                                        tonys.