Lived Experience Forum

[Troubled_One]

Hi everyone,

I was wanting to write something about my past that had a major affect on me.

I started using drugs around 17 and up until 24 when I completly stopped.

I used to take ecstacy, speed, marijuana, alcohol, cigarettes etc. Everything was taken orally.

I majorly abused myself and it really destroyed my life from about 17 up until now. I only started doing it recreationally at partys but before I knew it I was selling it and doing anything I could to get my hands on these substances.

I completely stopped when I was 24 because I felt it was the right time to turn around.

I went through around 4.5 years in and out of psychiatric hospitals up until now and have not been back for around 2.5 years.

I am on the right medication and feel I have the right doctors treating me.

I feel that there may be damage to my brain from the drugs but I can not see any real damage that affects my functioning. I was diagnosed with organic brain injury when I first went in to the hospitals but I am not sure I would be now.

I thought I would share this incase there is anyone out there with a similar story.

[kristin]

Hey Lee, 

Thanks for being so open and honest in sharing this. I think @kato can probably relate to some of the usage self-abuse.

Take care of you. SO glad this is behind you now. Did you know that "self-medicating" pain is one of the most common reasons for addiction/d&a abuse?

Kind regards,

Kristin

[Troubled_One]

Hey @kristin I have thought this that there is probably a reason why I done it and hiding the real problem is probably exactly what I was doing.

I just wish my family could see this.

[kristin]

Hey Lee, maybe they might be able to in time. Maybe too confronting now. Much easier to blame the "user", as society generally does. 

[Troubled_One]

Yeah I think you are right, over time they will understand its not like a instant fix. Thanks for your help.

[AllAboutMissy]

Hi @Troubled_One

I'm a bit late on this topic but I can totally relate to your situation. I abused drugs and alcohol from the ages of 22-28 (up until my diagnosis) as a coping mechanism.

Ecstacy, speed, fantasy, ice and other wide powder, weed, cigarettes and alcohol - pretty much anything available. And like you it was only oral.

At the time, I was working in a senior management position earning great money and I lived alone so I was able to hide my addictions. I was very much a high functioning Bipolar patient.

Unfortunately with manic episodes, the excessive spending and promiscuity took it's toll and everything fell apart.

I often wondered if the abuse let me to my diagnosis, but having stopped everything now I know it was very much a coping mechanism. To block out my reality and to numb the pain.

My desire to be well and live a functioning life was just too strong.

Eventually my family found out and I was lucky, they were incredibly supportive and helped me get through it.

I'm not the same person I was all those years ago, and through strong willed determination I have been able to stabilise my life and am no longer on medication.

This is all part of our journey and experiences living with mental illness. You are not alone

Missy x

[Troubled_One]

Thanks for sharing your story missy.

It makes me realise my story is somewhat similar and helps me relate to my life as well. Knowing I am not alone really helps.

I think this is what my parents are confused about, that for some reason beyond thier control I went down this path and that mental health is possibly not related and it has nothing to do with them also.

[Tnc23]

Hey there, <br>I myself am 22 years old and in what I feel like is a downward spiral. I use meth and I smoke cigarettes, I've started using weed again. I take ecstasy from time to time and have used fantasy before. I've also used coke. It never used to be like this. I guess over time I've just began to use more. I only take it orally. Have never used a needle and truthfully can say I will never let myself. I just feel like I'm destroying anything good that I have left. I don't want to be this person. I don't want to be a statistic but I'm just struggling. I feel like it may very well be that I have been trying to numb the pain. Escape reality. Forget all the memories from the past. I always thought I was better. I thought I had it under control but intact it had me the whole time. I wish I could go back in time and avoid the whole trying drugs part because Its been a hell of a fun time but also weighs up with the negatives. I guess I find it harder to stop because my partner uses too. My uncle has been battling with addiction for many years. In and out of rehab, he is the sweetest and most gentle soul you will meet but got dealt some shit cards in life and has wound up fighting for an answer. He got a pacemaker because his heart rate would drop below a safe amount. And then he came off his road bike. Destroying his legs. He grew back the entire bone in his left leg from his knee to his ankle. He was then shot by accident. Just missing his main artery and shattering his rib cage. He only just survived it. He then got hit by a car. Sandwiched between his vehicle and the one that crashes there for destroying his legs again. And last but not least he went motorbike riding and even with his bad legs. Pretty crazy really. He come off and shattered everything again. Looks like he'll be losing 1 leg now. During all these accidents he became reliant on prescription pain meds and ice. He hasn't been able to work for years. In and out of hospitals. He's depressed and I often think that compared to someone who has experienced his bad luck and so on that I should be able to cope with the things that have occurred in my past but no I make the choice to use meth and I hate how it's all turning out. To meet me without knowing what I do you would not pick it. I have a nice car. A job. A beautiful dog and a roof over my head. I have at least $15,000 worth of gold jewellery and most of the time I wear that smile that fools everyone. But not me. I don't know what I'm looking to achieve on this forum. Perhaps some comfort in knowing that it will all be ok? A friend? I just need to find that light at the end of the tunnel.