Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

I am really pleased my words reached you @Owlunar and even more so that you responded. It is so hard setting those boundaries but they are essential for our wellbeing. I can also hear that that has been difficult for you to do but I also understand the need to do so. Whether it be in a classroom with children, with family and/or friends or even on here - we often need to make those difficult (and sometimes distressing) decisions ...it is not easy but you have shown grace and courage in doing what is right for you.

I need to head to bed Hon but sending you a very big (gentle) hug 💖

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7  - for all your comments

I am alright today - amazed at the response - I felt dismay and you and others gathered around me with support that was much needed - I really appreciated all of it.

Sometimes we have to do things we would rather not - it's necessary for everyone's well being. 

I hope your day at school is fruitful and the little ones are settling into school life. I know you teach in the infant school where the reaction from the children can vary so much. I saw something about this on Dr.Phil yesterday - some children are prepared for school and fit in well - other's - no they are not ready and have a battle getting used to the idea

Since COVID I have really started to understand how important early childhood education is - and how socialization of children is vital. 

We used to stay at home with our mother's more - my son went to day care two days a week and loved it - my daughter didn't like it and rarely went - but she did get on well at kindergarten

Now life is so different - I am not sure if the world of social interaction starting at infancy is a good idea because I really enjoyed my babies when they were so little. Some people have to work - I understand that - so I guess teaching children from an early age how to fit in with society is a good thing.

But are teachers prepared for this? This can't be an easy subject

Sending heartfelt hugs  

Owlunar

[Zoe7]

Hey @Owlunar Hearing you Hon 💖 It is so hard to set those boundaries - and we cannot be responsible for others' reactions when we do but it is also vital that you put your own wellbeing first. I so admire your courage to do that and wanted to let you know that I not only get it but you definitely have my support. I had a very long conversation with a colleague last night (who I also now call a friend) and I was encouraging her to do the same in a difficult situation she is in. We have come up with an action plan to help and today she is feeling much better about the situation. Sometimes what is needed, and what is necessary, is taking a step back - especially when we feel we can no longer be a positive support as we are personally impacted too much. That takes personal insight as well as courage and both you and my friend have that in spades.

My kids today were just beautiful - so many excited faces, hugs and laughter. It was a really good (but tiring) day. Some were bouncing off the walls lol but they will settle in time. The really funny thing is it was some of my students from last year that were the biggest handful ...but I will give them time to re-adjust and get back into the routines of school. They are still so little so they need time, patience and care. I am, though, really looking forward to the year with this group. They are very different on the whole from last year's class - and I already miss those kids (I had visits from most of them this morning). I already can see what a wonderful group they are going to be and I am excited to see where they will go ...I will keep you updated 👍

[Owlunar]

Hi @Zoe7 

I am writing this lying on my bed and although my touch typing is tricky it doesn't bother my shoulder as much - so this is good.

Yes - it takes courage to maintain our boundaries - wow - I was overwhelmed and it was so complex. When my uncle died a huge lifelong friend had gone - although his mind had already left with Alzheimerzs having him die before I got there was tough and enough was enough. I had to grieve. After this I think my uncle's presence in my life bore fruit because I saw I had to deeply consider my priorities, and this is a relief. I know this was right and thanks for your support - it is so deeply appreciated.

Kids bouncing off the walls in the first week back at school. I hear that screens cause this hyperactivity. Perhaps they do but not for everyone - I really like screens myself but then - I read a lot too 

I can tell you - I know you love teaching and so did I though I taught CRE. and ESL and mostly years of private tutoring which was very rewarding. I did a lot of this while working full time as an accountant and I wonder now at the degree of my multitasking. My daughter was latchkey at lot of the time - she had a go at me for that but I reminded her that I was not a helicopter parent and I didn't do everything at the same time. There was a lot of over-lapping involved - I was not a home-maker but I did cook the dinner most nights. I am glad I did what I did when I did it and I think I was probably a better parent because I had a life of my own

I have to stop this before I stress my shoulder and yes - it is great to be back from my trip into the wilderness

Owlunar

[Zoe7]

I do really understand @Owlunar Sometimes no matter how hard we try it is deflating when we see the same patterns and the same behaviours but absolutely no change ...and it makes it so much worse when whatever you say or do is ignored. I have had to do exactly the same thing in parts of my life - you cannot keep giving when it makes no difference.

It also (unfortunately) takes a massive loss like you have been through to both prioritise the things that are most important and also assess what you are able (capable) to do. My heart really does go out to you Hon - we do know loss and grief and it is really hard. I still tend to shut down with grief but it catches up to us. I am so pleased (not the right word) that you have taken the time to grieve - and also know it is an ongoing process. Never though feel you cannot talk about that with me - or just vent because I absolutely do hear how hard it is and how such a special person in your life is no longer here 😥

I hope your shoulder is okay today (at least manageable). I thought of you yesterday when I tripped over my tool box and fell into the edge of the door frame - right onto the point of my shoulder. The kids though were so caring and so comforting - and despite being in a whole heap of pain, I gritted my teeth and told them I was okay. I am pretty sure they knew I wasn't (and the bruise today shows how hard I hit the door frame) but it is still standing lol

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7  - it means a lot to me.

My uncle (and my aunt) meant a great deal to me - for a long time more than my parents - they were there when my parents "drove me away" which of course they couldn't as I retired from their presence because I saw no need to explain my life and decisions - I was in my 30s when everything fell apart but my Tassie rellies were always there - one the phone and actually in person as often as possible.

Toward the end of their lives they were in a situation I cannot explain - it was very public and still on the internet - it would identify me to others who should not know - if it was just you I could I am sure. 

I helped them all I could but eventually it was necessary for me to give them their privacy - I know my uncle was developing dementia and my aunt had pancreatic cancer - I wrote to them - my aunt would talk to me for hours in person but not so much on the phone, my uncle was losing the ability. It is really hard to have people disappear like that. My cousin in Canada kept in touch - we are good friends - I am the senior cousin and he is the junior - he was born after my son - and we are very close. 

So now they are both at peace. I don't know what happened to their ashes - for me that's really not important as "they are not here" - they are in my heart, my mind, my soul and my spirit. They will live within me for as long as I live - and with their surviving sons and grandchildren too - and I know my uncle touched many lives in a positive and uplifting way in which he was gifted. 

I think it was pretty natural that someone I care about was or seems to be permanently stuck in a past - I could not help. I really tried as you know - and I felt totally drained. I have enjoyed writing here - I find I have a platform for people with pain, grief and depression and I am sparing which is why I am not a Community Guide. I am really glad I made the decision I did and although things were pretty hairy the other day things seem to have settle down - I will have to maintain that boundary forever I know - I can get caught up in things because of my empathy - sometimes we have to make a clean break.

My shoulder was easier today - I need to limit my time on the computer - well I can read whatever interests me as long as I feel like it. Each month when I see my specialist I have to fill in a questionnaire which has a question about my confidence about returning to work - of course I will not - but I realise all the time I have been working. I study all the time and enjoy it. I think I amaze my specialist with some of things I say - I know more than most patients about medication and anatomy. Recently - about a year ago - one of his colleagues suggested something and I got out my phone and went right past Dr Google into the science and said "No thanks - unacceptable side effects". I think maintaining my choices is what keeps me going.

I guess you will be ready for a couple of days off after tomorrow, I know you have to protect your health too, I'm glad you have your fur babies - Clover and a puppy I think - I am not sure if you still have Toby. I miss my old cat - 15 great years with that rather naughty cat was fantastic - I am not replacing her - managing a litter tray would be impossible with this shoulder and now and again I have trouble getting my medication because the scripts are highly controlled and then have to be compounded at a pharmacy that only has one person available to do the compounding and twice I have had to be admitted to hospital because of this emergency - having a pet would be a bit too awkward at such times. It's a pity though - I love cats

Thanks @Zoe7  - it has been a relief sharing this and I think it is vague enough so as not to be identifying - but also clear enough. Regardless - I am not really concerned about what other people think of me - there are limits that were crossed this week but I am personally over it.

Thanks so much

Owlunar

[Zoe7]

Hi my beautiful friend @Owlunar I was very much hoping to be in the land of nod now but not having the best night ...but that is for another time.

I would like you to know that I am aware of the troubles of your very close family - very much picking up on what you have told me previously - however will never divulge any of that to anyone. As you would know - Tassie is a very small place so sometimes even the smallest of details can give a lot. I hope that gives you more a sense of understanding rather than makes you feel exposed as it is the understanding that I mean it to be ...as well as an acknowledgement that I feel so much for you 💖

I do understand also that drained feeling. There does come a time when we can no longer keep continuing along the same path or seemingly going around in the same circles. I am very much feeling that same sense of frustration and (sadly) fatigue myself at present. I have really enjoyed chatting with you but there are other aspects of the forum that I am struggling with. My own empathy is being tested (or more so I am feeling empty) and maybe that is a sign I need a break myself. I have been seriously considering leaving - weighing up a lot along the way but have made no concrete decision as yet ...maybe some time will help. Whatever I decide I do hope you know that I truly value and appreciate you and I really do applaud you for making such a tough decision.

As for another cat - I hear you. It is hard enough some days to look after ourselves and I find it extremely wise of you to know your own limits. It would be such wonderful company for you if you had another cat but the care is not as simple as feeding and letting them do their own thing (although they generally do lol). You are like me - we give our love and our life to our fur babies and receive so much more in return but it does take a certain level of mobility that you may not always have. I wish I could be there to change the litter and do so much more for you but we know that is not possible.

Yes Toby is still with me - he is 9. I do not know where that time has gone ...been on here for over 6 years 😮 Maybe that is long enough 😔 Clover is 2 now also so time really is flying by. They are still the focal point of my life but they give me so much joy so I am more than grateful to have them. I do still miss Cat but I was lucky to have a couple of extra years with her and know she loved me as I did her.

I am glad you still have contact with your cousin - it is lovely to hear you are friends also. Also nice to hear your shoulder had eased a bit today.

I better try to sleep again Hon but wanted to reply to you before I did.

I cannot guarantee I will be back for a while so whatever I do please know you will be thought of often and loved from afar 💖💖💖

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7 

I need to go to sleep too - I hope you can drop off

Take the time you need - I understand what you are saying about the forum - so of it is difficult - I noticed things changed a lot with COVID - and there are more people with MH issues than can be addressed

Yes - Tassie is a small place - this I know - and I trust you

Thanks again 

Owlunar

[Owlunar]

Hi  @Zoe7 @Shaz51 @outlander @Emelia8 @Appleblossom @Hams @Anastasia 

@TAB @Historylover @greenpea @Snowie @Meowmy @EternalFlower @Judi9877 

@Clawde 

Life has been interesting and rather busy. I did I have time to attend to all of these things before I retired?

My shoulder flared last week - I had been using my lap-top more than I had for some months. I mentioned this to my pain specialist on Monday when I had another procedure on my shoulder - his suggestion was so good - I have already decided to get a folding table which would be a major improvement - perhaps it would be better having one of those tables that I can raise to whatever height I want for be great.

I got a better Idea - I can clear one of my kitchen benches which would be a perfect height to use standing - and that will not stress my shoulder - this should work

My granddaughter came today - we had lunch at the local coffee shop - my daughter dropped her off while she went to an appointment - and the time we had together was over too soon - I think my daughter was in a lot of pain herself when she picked gd up - I wished it could have lasted longer but it was really good while it lasted

And - just a small thing - I have a cypress growing outside my lounge window - just beside it actually - and my son-in-law got me some Christmas lights to use this year - around here people are really into having Christmas lights outside - my son-in-law will put them up for me - this will be different.

My pain-specialist is impressed by how I manage my chronic pain - yeah - it's tough but hearing how well I am doing helps a lot. The mix-up with my scripts has been sorted out - oh hear - a different pharmacist didn't know how to down-load an Escript. We all live and hopefully learn

We are in for a heat-wave in Melbourne for the next few days - I have a couple of appointments - I can make my doctor's appointment a telehealth call but my dentist - that just wouldn't work - I am getting on in years - I might just have to change my appointment - the thing is - I only need a checkup and I like my dentist. I will see just how hot it is on Thursday.

I have had a busy time since February began - busier than I have been for some time.

All the best everyone - I hope everyone has a good night's sleep

Owlunar

[Owlunar]

Hi  @Zoe7 @Shaz51 @outlander @Emelia8 @Appleblossom @Hams @Anastasia 

@TAB @Historylover @greenpea @Snowie @Meowmy @EternalFlower @Judi9877 

@Clawde @chibam @SmilingGecko

Time does fly - it's late on Friday evening and summer is over - and autumn is my favourite season - I plan to enjoy it.

I am really into self-care, so I have learned to be assertive. This doesn't mean jumping up and down and making a fuss - it means taking time and going about things quietly and making a complaint in a positive and respectful manner. I think I made a good point today - in fact - I know it.

When my GP was on holidays, I had to ask one of the other doctors at the clinic for a prescription for pain killers - it was the Friday before Christmas - I knew I would not be able to get a taxi - so I arranged a telehealth appointment. I didn't go well which surprised me.

I already know all about the medication I take - I did not need a lecture - this is what I got. I know the doctor has never seen me however this medication has been approved by my pain specialist - so I listened to this new doctor for a few minutes then said: "I have been listening to you and hear your concerns. If you are uncomfortable about writing this prescription, then don't".

He sent me an Escript saying he would never write me another one. 

Today I saw my GP - because of the difficulties in getting a taxi lately I had been having telehealth consultations. I told him about the above issue - and he said that's wrong - I am going to a pain clinic and they know what I am having. So - I spoke to the practice manager in private - this was so successful - she is going to speak to this new GP and also to a couple of other doctors I have seen before to make sure I don't have this problem again.

I know people on pain medication run into this issue - I am sharing this to let everyone involved know there is a way to deal with this - I have confronted it in the past and know more about the medication I take than most people - it pays to have knowledge. I took a risk telling him not to write the script - he did anyway. It's not pleasant running into this kind of thing - luckily it doesn't happen often.

Being assertive is so important - it requires thought, confidence, respect, a quiet voice and the expectation that the person in charge will be listening. And we must listen too.

What else? My life is never dull - I have had a family of rats in my roof void again - busily chewing the woodwork. I wouldn't mind but they are so noisy - and they can eat the plastic around wiring and the copper around hot water pipes. Yeah - I don't like this idea. My friendly pest exterminator came out the next day and baited the roof void again - the bait is on circles of wire so the rats can't take it outside - that's good - the little buggers keep trying though - banging and thumping - better that they are chewing that than other stuff. I am sorta developing a humorous attitude about this - it's a big problem for the neighbourhood - I might be noticing it more because I live alone and it's pretty quiet here most of the time. mmmmm - I can think of better pets - really - the pest exterminator is a good bloke - he does a good job - I am glad he does what he does which is pretty horrible sometimes - enough said.

The man I have been hiring my TV and other equipment off for over 40 years died recently - the last time I saw him I noticed he was very frail - it was a shock when his wife rang me to let me know - and told me I could keep the equipment and not pay any more.

I'm glad I had a chance to talk with her for a short while - all these years and I had only once spoken with her before - she seems such a lovely person - I was able to tell her what a great man her husband was and how helpful he had always been when I needed replacements or repairs - life changes - it always does - it's the only thing we can count on - change - one of the few things anyway. I will miss this man - goodonyer mate!

I have a really good cleaning lady - I enjoy her company and she works hard - she is a bit mystical at times - today she vacuumed my lounge carpet twice. That's okay - I never know where to find things after she has gone - once I found my ironing table at the back of my wardrobe in the spare room - sometimes I can't find my wastepaper baskets. She gets the recycling mixed up. But she is wonderful - I enjoy her company and find her to be delightful - even when I can't find what I am looking for. Life's never dull.

Its my daughter's birthday on Monday - I have some nice little parcels for her to open - we do this - lots of little useful items makes it fun. I have to wrapped them and that's a tricky job for me - yeah - I can take it - my parcel wrapping is a family joke.

It's so nice having summer weather this year - I like warm weather - autumn is even better when it's warm. It's easy to go out for a walk and my Neighbours are chattier than before the pandemic - ooh - everyone was grumpy and suspicious during the lockdowns - I sorta forgot about my neighbours because it was so quiet. I think we all appreciate each other more now and that might be the best side of the pandemic. Increased friendliness and more interaction with passers-by in the street. It works for me. And I have started a habit in having a coffee at the local coffee hangout - the person at the table was enjoying a rocky road - yummee - I said that was a good thing to have if someone said she should do something nice for herself. I might indulge myself one day.

I hope everyone is as well as they can be - all the best my dear friend - and enjoy the weather if possible.

Owlunar