Lived Experience Forum

[MDT]

hey all

today was okay

feeling very average atm so probably early night

kinda annoyed that i may not be eligible for uber to be a drive... so there goes easy cash...

[outlander]

Hi there @MDT
Im glad your day was ok
Pity about the uber driver situation though
Why wouldn't you be eligible?

[MDT]

Hey

This evening i feel very suicidal. Im not ringing any ohoneline or anything because they just frustrate me. Last time i did that the person said i should go for a walk. Did they even do the training for the service ffs..

And i may not be eligible because of a fine i got in the past and also because of my medications. NSW is very strict with uber. You need authority to use a car for private hire. And if i cant do uber then my mental health takes a hit. I was gonna use it for being able to talk to new people and such while making some money. Its like the only hope i have. I couldnt even work in a bookstore i applied at because i was too angsty to ring them back... that just made me angry. I know i can do it but its still not enough... i just doubt myself so much... like im even aware of it but it still happens..

[outlander]

Hi @MDT

I mustve fallen asleep before your msg come through.
How are you feeling today?

That really sucks about the uber driver. It must be really frustrating. I get that.
Trying to move on but MH holding you back.
Do you see a psychologist to help you as well?

[MDT]

hi

i've just woken up and i feel crap

i don't know how to tell my mum, i don't know what to say

i just feel like going to hospital but i know im going to get bored when i go there

but i seriously hate life at the moment... i dont know what else to do with myself

i just want my mental health problems to go away and never come back

i hate feeling like a weirdo and feeling like im not normal because i have felt this way my whole life

i have seen too many psychs and i get sick of all of them, the one i see at the moment is about to go on leave too..

i just want to be able to function normally like a normal human

im sick of looking weird and im sick of feeling weird too..

[outlander]

Hi @MDT

Does your mum know about your MH and that you have suicidal thoughts?
If she does then telling her you arent feeling the greatest and the Suicidal thoughts are back again.

I think either calling a hotline or going to a hospital will help you. Doesnt have to be lifeline. Theres beyond blue, headspace, kids helpline as well.


Please remember these are just feelings and thoughts. Theres no need to act on them and they will pass. They might come back but they will pass again

I understand not being human and feeling weird and out of place. Ive been like that many times and i not long got out of hospital because my MH got outta control

[MDT]

hi
im at the hospital now
yes my parents know about my mental health issues
idk what will happen and i dont really care tbh

[outlander]

Im glad you decided to go to the hospital
That was a smart choice

[MDT]

hey

so yesterday was rough

i really struggle to go easy on myself... like really really struggle.

Oftentimes i find that I need to remember that I'm doing okay. There's no actual problem that exists that needs to be "Solved" just a matter of perception

i get angry with myself too and that's beginning to change

just need to remember to keep balance in life and always be looking for the good things that i have - even if i have the tendency to forget.

[outlander]

Hi @MDT
Howare you?