Lived Experience Forum

[B45]

I've got many issues going through my head.  One main issue that has me intrigued is the connection between two people or what draws you to a certain person.  There is a gentleman out there that has a beautiful soul.  I met him a few weeks ago, had a few conversations.   We are at different stages in our lives.  He doesn't feel a connection to me but for me I feel so connected, would love to be able to spend time with him.  There is nothing sexual whatsoever, it's just wanting to be friends.  Why do I feel such a strong connection.

[Ant7]

@B45 I feel that way at times I meet someone and I really click with them and I think I should try and be friends with this person. And then I get shy and feel like I am pushing the situation and I just don't talk with them as much. If I click with someone of the opposite sex it is worse I feel guilty that I may be flirting with them even if I am not and if they flirt with me I really go in to my shell just to avoid it

[Lunar]

That is a really interesting topic you have started @B45

I think connection is complicated and comes from feeling comfortable with someone or perhaps inspired, or even interested in their perspective and this may be because of the way they react to your responses, they may listen and make you feel heard, or they might make you laugh, sometimes they can remind you of someone like an old friend, a loved one, etc. Or they may just be nice and caring, people like this are generally quite likeable and easier to build a connection with.

Can I ask what makes you think they don't have that connection back @B45 ?

[B45]

Thanks for your reply @Lunar, everything you said was pretty much true & how it felt.  How do I know he doesn't feel a connection, I asked him.  I've had a couple of years with anger & uncomfortable situations around me.  It caused my anxiety to flare up.  It's a continuing work in progress but I have it under control.  So to meet this young man was like a breath of fresh air.  We only had a short time to talk then I had to head back home to my family.  Sometimes when I think about him I feel a bit of heartache, I just want to talk again.  I would like to try & work out why there is so much emotion.

[Lunar]

Morning @B45

That is nice that even though you only had a short time to talk to him you felt a conection and emotion, heartache is a hard feeling to have, but I also think it is something that is sometimes nice to feel in a way, it is a pure emotiom.

I have no doubts you will feel that again with someone else in the future, maybe not today or tomorrow but it can happen. Was there something about him that made you feel at ease, you mentioned he was like a breathe of fresh air, in what way? It might help to write it out here 🙂

[B45]

It's a tricky situation I've put myself in as I'm married with two older kids.  My husband has his own business & the last several months I've noticed he seems to be getting angrier or more tense, could it be "midlife crisis"?  That's why I see this guy as a breath of fresh air.  Someone I felt comfortable talking to, we could talk about anything.  We seemed to get on well as friends.  Hubby & I have a bit of work to do.  I've just started to find my voice in standing up for myself to hubby.  In the past he would get a bit angry & I would go into my shell.  I myself am at a point where I'm trying to understand myself after having kids.  Lots going on.