Lived Experience Forum

[Arizona]

I spoke with my therapist tonight and I'm feeling much better. My anxiety went away, though it is starting to come back now.

I told her that I think I'm having a mental breakdown. I said I think I should be in a private psychiatric hospital (I don't have the money to do that and my therapist knows that). She agreed with me.

It felt good to admit that I'm having a mental breakdown. It felt good to say that I'm not okay.

I tried to tell my last GP for a long time that I wasn't okay but he didn't listen to me. He completely invalidated my experience and I felt unsupported and alone.

So how do you heal a mental breakdown (and a life of trauma and mental illness) when you can't afford to go to a private psychiatric hospital? This is the question I'm asking myself now.

[Powderfinger]

@Arizona 

Hi, I have had quite a few serious ones. Am currently in another one now. I don't want to be in hospital because it's not the best place for my healing. No, I don't have much support around me. Not one size fits all to healing. Recovery and the time it takes is the time it takes. There is no time frame. In saying that working towards your healing means to start somewhere. No matter how small it is. Google is good. YouTube is good. Be discerning. If it doesn't sound right for you then it more than likely isn't. 

When money is tight, we need to think outside of the square. 

Hope this helps. All the best. 

[Arizona]

Thank you @Powderfinger . That was very helpful ❤

I know what you mean about hospital not being the best place for healing. I have only ever been to a public hospital and it was traumatic for me. I was wondering if a private hospital environment was any better. 

I think I need to go somewhere like a relaxation retreat for a month. 

[Arizona]

Thank you @Powderfinger . You have got me thinking 🤔

Maybe I could be my own private psychiatrist and design a retreat style rehabilitation program of my own?

The only problem is I'm having a very stressful time with my housing agency at the moment; and until that's resolved it's not going to be very peaceful. 

But I can make a start. Let's see... What would my ideal mental health retreat look like and how can I convert that to doing it from home with all the limitations I have?

I will start by listening to some audio books...

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk

You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment by Thich Nhat Hanh

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

[periwinklepixie]

Wow @Arizona it sounds like you are taking some massive steps atm!  

It is a very courageous thing to say you are worried about yourself, especially when you have been invalidated in the past. Well done! 

Like others have said, there is no one way to recover from a breakdown but I love the idea of setting up a retreat for yourself at home! Audiobooks sound like a great start. 🙂 

I know it may sound silly, but when my honeymoon got cancelled cause of lockdown my partner and I did all sorts of things to make it feel like we were away...Including putting on our bathers and sunbaking on our balcony...in Winter! 😛 

I promise I have a point haha! I wonder if there is a way you can bring in some thngs that relax you or make you happy to your environment to make it feel even more like a retreat? Like if you like walking in the bush playing recordings of bush sounds from YouTube? 

Can't wait to hear more about your at home retreat ideas! 
- periwinklepixie 

[Arizona]

Some goals I will work towards...

Having a shower every day

Cleaning my teeth every day

Going to bed at 9.30pm

Watching one of Ediya's videos before I go to sleep

Getting out of bed at 7am

Meditating for 20 minutes 

Doing my affirmations in the mirror 

Eating healthy food 

Drinking lots of water 

Taking my vitamins and antidepressants 

Taking my Pug for a walk 

Going for long walks in nature

Going to Yoga

Riding my bike to the river and back every day (once I have it)

[Arizona]

I like your ideas @periwinklepixie . I don't think they're silly at all. Thank you for sharing them with me. It sounds like you and your partner had fun 😊

[periwinklepixie]

These sound like great goals @Arizona ! 

I know sometimes for me getting back to the basics like showering is really where it's at! 

Sometimes I can be a bit of a perfectionist with goals and recovery so I always find it useful to remind myself to hold my goals lightly as it is about feeling better not being the best at getting better. 😛 

Cheering you on!
- periwinklepixie 

[Powderfinger]

@Arizona 

You certainly did get my drift. I also wanted to go away on a long relaxing retreat. Money and my very poor mental health was the block to it. I cant even arrange a holiday, my mind won't allow it at this point. 

So, like you I decided to start a retreat for me from home. Best idea. My issue is my housemate is very money orientated and work work work. That's how his folks raised him. I like my housemate but his money and work beliefs irritate me to no end. I feel uncomfortable like I should be doing something. Thankfully be is a FIFO worker and leaves today for two weeks. Yay....space. 

I'm getting stronger in myself to not give a shit about what he says and does anymore. The bills and rent are always paid. The house is always clean and tidy, mostly done by myself. The rest is none of his business. I live my life how I want to. 

I like your current ideas. I actually was so anti guided meditations for a long time. Not anymore, recently I tried some and they are/have been so incredibly helpful. There are so many different kinds. That might work too. Basically limiting all stress, says I who needs to go to an appt at the police DV unit this afternoon. 

Keep it up, you are on the right track. 

PF

[Powderfinger]

@Arizona 

Great goals!!! Also, just a gentle reminder to not beat yourself up if you do not meet some of all of your daily goals. This is a time to remind yourself you are in fact in recovery and recovery takes time. Reward yourself too. 

PF