Hi @HenryX 

I really appreciate and value your so called 'Henry Books' so definitely keep them coming. Today I just didn't feel emotionally up to responding right away and still feel as though my response wasn't adequate. Tonight I have spent a fair amount of time watching YouTube videos on imagery rescripting and schema's. I also wrote my psychologist a letter which I will deliver to the clinic on Monday. I wrote the psych a letter to try and sort out for myself how I was feeling and why. I think overall it's because I believe that I am damaged goods and defective. I feel a sense of shame related to the memories of my past and I am fearful of judgement. I also think that I am a lost cause and not worthy of the time and effort therapy will be on the part of my psychologist. Most of all I want to run away. That is my avoidance protector maladaptive mode coming into play. It is very strong and hard to resist. It is taking all my power to not throw in the towel on this whole therapy thing. 

Meggle