Hi @Lula.  Try not to get too frustrate, do what you can do and your familiarity with the site will grow as you get more used to it.  You don't need to worry about crowding me, i'm always happy to reply to anyone.  And it's nice to know that you found my reply so relatable, I just hope it helped you a bit as well.

It certainly sounds like you are really struggling if you're even struggling to eat.  Although i've been close to there on a few occasions.  I could still eat, but I did it just to get rid of the hunger and stop myself feeling light headed and nauseous... which happens is I haven't had anything to eat for too long.

Of course you're not a bad person.  We've all made mistakes!  I've made plenty and yes, I still make them.  Some things can persist with us for a very long time, even a life time.  It doesn't make us bad, it just means we all have our different struggles that we try our best to overcome.  If they were easy to overcome they wouldn't be called struggles.

I think a lot of us can feel like we're getting no where, but quite often we are... we just don't see it until we make enough progress that something happens that makes us think "oh, things are starting to improve."  So i think the best way to get back up is to keep doing what you're doing.  Keep posting and sharing what your feeling and things will hopefully start to improve for you.  If you do have one of those days where you just feel too tired to do anything then don't force yourself or feel bad for just wanting to rest.  It's probably the bodies way of saying "I just need to take it easy for a bit."  So it doesn't hurt to listen to it when you can and you should feel bad for it.

If things still feel like they're getting too difficult then maybe give the Sane support line a call as @Jynx suggested.  You may need to just hear someone's voice.  I certainly do every now and then.

You may be surprised to hear that i'm not quite a senior yet.  I'll be 54 in December.  I take it as a compliment you think I'm older from my writing.  Maybe I've just had to deal with a lot in my 50 add years... who knows.

I hope you're feeling better very soon.  Let us know either way.  Take care of yourself Lula.