@Birdofparadise8 dang I missed your reply. Hope you're doing okay.

I know in my mind and when I am thinking logically I can feel good about my achievements, but when I am sad they mean nothing and I compare myself to my over-achieving cousins. I'm also the only female cousin who never got married or had kids and that really bites when I am in a depressive state. I feel like I've let my mum down because she would have been an awesome grandmother - she dotes on my cousins' kids.

Right now I am doing another diamond painting to try and think of other things. Tomorrow I want to do some banking - red velvet cake and my usual apple and cinnamon muffins. I cheated with the icing this time though and bought premade cream cheese icing for the red velvet.

It will also be the first time making the red velvet cake without my ex friend. It used to be something we did together so let's see how many tears I shed.

Another job I applied for has expired and I never heard back so again with looking for jobs. Tomorrow is a public holiday here so at least my brother will be around if I do break down making the red velvet.

I'll check in on you too if you'd like.