@Birdofparadise8 i would really suggest you speak to the nurses and the support staff. that is why you are there. dont waste the time your spending there. you seemed desperate to go there for support but dont want to utilise it.
please consider spending time with the nurses and support staff. that is why you are there and you can also speak to them about things you cant here. the forums are a great support but your now also in a supportive environment where you can have those supports there 24/7 whenever you need them as well. if you dont tell them how bad you are or how your feeling they cant help you.

sorry to sound harsh but this opportunity can be hard for people to access and youve been one of the lucky ones who have been able to go when youve asked for that support. please utilise your time there