Hello beautiful @Sophia1 

I'm happy to share with you.

For years I didn't tell anyone I have anxiety, I felt embarrassed, different and used to say no to invitations, not travel to places...miss out. 

My boys mental illness and becoming educated and aware that what I was suffering from is actually anxiety has allowed me to mention it at times if I feel safe to do so.

It has progressively become worse and is pretty much a daily battle now from being a carer.  I do my best to manage it, some days I do a better job than others. I have had a psychologist who has provided me with insight to enable me to talk myself through what's going on in my head at the times when I really need to. She's on maternity leave now and I think I'm on a slippery slope and I really need to investigate someone to talk to sooner rather than later. 

As far as adapting with people I don't know, funnily enough that does not bring on anxiety for me. I was always a very sociable person, loved people, events, anything social but since my boys illness and now the lockdown both crowds of people and social events have no appeal at all to me.

I think it comes down to the fact that I have nothing to talk about. My entire life revolves around my boy. What can I say when someone says what did you do on the weekend. They don't want to hear, nor do I want to reply with I kept my boy safe. That's extreme I know and it's not always the response that comes to mind but for so many years it was the truth.  I certainly don't have lots of exciting stories to swap when it comes to social catch ups so I just don't. In that regard Covid lockdown has been my friend.  I do feel very alone and different mostly.

Now my anxiety and the level of it revolves around my boy and if he's ok, if he's out, or if I have to go out if that makes sense? I know I sound over the top but I guess it comes with years of living on the edge. 

My hearing aid...

I put this off for years. I have finally chosen one having been lucky enough to have a trial for a few weeks. I was impressed with it but I haven't got the funds after the recent surgery I had. I am hoping that before the end of the year I can make the purchase. I don't qualify for any assistance and my health fund doesn't provide a rebate. It was a little one that sat behind my ear and was pretty much invisible due to my hair. 

I went to Specsavers after seeing the audiologist in kahoots with my ent and can save thousands. It's not identical but so close that I'm going to go down that path when I can. I figure something has got to be better than nothing even if it isn't as amazing as the one I trialled. (Hope so 🙏)

Yes, hearing loss is frightening and some people have no patience. I wish I could hug you right now. I really struggle at times and pre lockdown in the office any functions I sat there smiling and nodding hoping that I was doing it at the right intervals. I am very much looking forward to being able to purchase one. 

I hope some of my responses help you feel less alone Sophia. You are a very kind soul and I know how much time and effort goes into your thoughtful responses. So I wanted to share with you 💛

Thank you for your lovely message. 

Love and hugs Sophia 🌼🌸🌼