Thanks for everyone's perspective. It's helpful to know we all have troublesome mothers. My history is complicated by the fact I have 2 mothers. My foster mother is a stern woman, much older than my own mother, and she is a woman of few words. But her love for me is strong, and even stronger with her daughter, my foster sister.

My mother said to me a few weeks ago when all this started 'have a nice life with your other family', a fall back barb she has used before many times, or or it was go back to the care home, you prefer that over me. Although my brother said she probably didn't mean it, it really hit a sore spot. It hurt a lot.

I accepted many years ago that she was never going to be the mother  I wanted or needed, I would have to accept her as she was. It doesn't mean it wasn't without frustration or tension. It's been hard, really hard at times.

One thing my brother is right about. I need to take of me right now. I very nearly ended in hospital last Wednesday night or worse. She cannot have the power to do that again. I will not fall onto her sword.