Why are you glad your cry for help wasn't answered @Teej. Or I am reading that wrong? Is there a way for you to cope without the need to 'self-medicate'? What happens if one day/night you over-calculate, and then there is no coming back? I know you have touched on this before.

My regular meds are making a little difference, but not enough. I still feel intensely, rage is an inferno, sadness is drowning. Have you done any DBT skills at all? Sorry for all the questions, it's just there is much of you in me, so I am trying to understand why we work the way we do. I can't even go to hospital anymore. I'm sure I will be refused. I know I have a reputation as being agitated & aggressive, difficult, non compliant in hospital. Why wants a patient like that? I know though my cries for help now don't garner attention. It's like, yep, she says she can't cope, she'll be over it in a day or two. Empty, manipulative threats that no one listens to anymore. If I scream, it is silent. No one hears me.

@outlanderI have seen you about tonight my lil Sis.