Hi @Shaz51 

I read that you were recently bereaved - your uncle I think - that is a hard thing to deal with - even when they are elderly - people keep dropping off the family tree and this is truth - and reality - I have had a lot of relatives die since 2003 - it never gets easier - and I am for you - and with you in spirit - still getting over my own uncle last year - we were very close until he got Alzheimer's.

You mum though - that is harder still - my mother lost the plot when Dad died and she really changed with everyone - she was angry more with me I think because I resemble my father - so yes - I felt guilty because I would not visit someone who yelled and screamed at me - and I know there was no need for that - and no need for you to feel guilty either - that  you have to leave your mother when she is in aged care - of course she doesn't understand - I think she was getting a bit vague before she broke her second hip - I hadn't heard that before - and she would need professional and on-going help you couldn't provide. Totally understandable and so sad for you - I am with you in spirit - I would not want to do in aged care either - but I am independent when I am not so injured - okay here alone actually. I really see the picture and I have known you for years and you really did care for your mother in so many different ways - I care Shaz.

After my son died - nearly 37 years ago now - I felt guilty - and I went to speak to the chaplain at the university when I was studying part-time as a mature age student. What he said to me was so important I am going to post it in bold fonts so everyone who follows will see it - and it worked for me.

Some life events will cause us to feel guilty about the role we played or didn't play during the that life event - the truth is that the more guilt we feel the less we need to feel it. The less guilt people feel may mean they should be feeling it.

So ease up on the guilt Shaz - you have done so much for your mother - more than I ever did for mine - though I have a sister who was just thrilled to bits to have our parents affairs to deal with - I have stopped feeling bad about not visiting my mother and my son's death.

Dreaming at dawn

We can only do what is humanly possible - take it easy on yourself Shaz - this is a hard time for you - I know - and you still have Mr Shaz getting anxious all the time and then there is your own health - you do a terrific job with all of this - we all know this here

Sending you my love Shaz

Mumma Bear

Owlunar

The post got a little messy when I posted the picture - it's one of my enhanced photos - using filters - I have a lot more to post in time

All the best