@BlueBay

What a horrible experience no wonder you are so distressed.  What @Former-Member is right, I know when I totally lost it a few weeks ago I was thinking exactly the same as you, why am I feeling like this, why doesnt anyone care etc etc and it does make you worse - it just keeps that brain coming up with more negative stories.  It sounds like anxiety this is exactly how I felt and thats what I was told but I also think we get to a point where we internalise so much because we have no one to speak to "physcially" and then eventually our brain says "i have had enough" then instead of just going with it and accepting the feeling we question it and that then makes it so much worse" I know its easy for me to say when I'm feeling better but just looking back on hindsight I think if I just let myself be anxious and sad instead of trying to put on a brave face I dont think I would have got that bad.

Please do something nice for yourself - treat yourself and see if you can go to the hospital.

Dont think that you are alone because you are in my thoughts we are so similar and I know what you are feeling and how crap it is.