Hi @Lula. Sorry about my late reply. Yesterday was a very busy day and today just seemed to catch up with me. I was watching the footy tonight and realised I hadn't done my gym visit today. So I went down to did 20 minutes during the half time break... about 8pm. So i'm now on 7 days in a row at the gym. I kind of thought that if I decide to skip one day, then it's just too easy to decide to skip another... and then another... and before I know it i'm hardly going again. So it's definitely working in keeping me motivated to keep working on my fitness. So maybe you could start with a short walk every day and take it from there.
Thank you for the virtual lime milkshake. The real ones are good, but I can't have very many with all their sugar but virtual ones I can have as many as I like. I'm so fortunate to have my partner here and I know I am because until I met her 11 years ago, I lived with that feeling of just wanting someone there with me, even if it was just to sit next to and talk. Anything more seemed too ambitious for so long. Being alone is so hard and I don't think people who haven't experienced much of it, don't really appreciate how hard it is. Everything reminds you of being alone. The silence, the looking at the emptiness in the spot next to you, the feeling that it will never end. So i'm always happy to accept that virtual lime milkshake and have a virtual sit and chat with you because I enjoy it and I know what that loneliness is like.
For me the thing that changed my loneliness was realising when I was about to turn 40 was that if I didn't change some things I was going to be alone forever. That thought really made me realise that I had to do some things that scared the hell out of me and made me to go out there and try to make connections. I've mentioned this before on this site, but one of those things was joining an online forum for lonely people. It was much like this... full of wonderful people who all understood me and slowly I started to make real connections with people or the first time in my life... all of it was virtual. But through that I learned, and got enough confidence, to start trying to find people to make a connection with in real life. It took me another 3 years, and I still think I was incredibly lucky but it changed that direction in my life that I foresaw 3 years previously. I would say don't think about the negatives, but we both know that's not possible, we will think of them regardless. The trick for me was to allow myself to think of the positives... the positives of trying new things, meeting new people and most importantly, the positives about myself. That I was worth knowing and that it was possible people could like me.
So I think you need to work out what that looks like for you. It may be looking to see if there are any groups around you that may be suitable for you. It may be volunteering somewhere a few hours a week. It could be anything. But just something that either gets you out of the house a little bit and/or lets you spend some time each week talking to people. I'm not saying it's easy or that everything instantly changes but it did start to change my attitude and how I saw myself. And that's a great first step. Even just reading these replies and imagining i'm sitting there next to you speaking what you're reading may help with the feeling of loneliness at make you start thinking about what else you could do.
Sorry again about the delay in getting back to you. I hope you get some nice weather soon, and if not, enjoy the doona... there's nothing better on a cold day/night.
