Lived Experience Forum

[NikNik]

For many of us hearing the mere words 'workplace bullying' is enough to trigger an anxious response.

According to Google, workplace bullying is defined as repeated and unreasonable behaviour directed towards a worker or a group of workers that creates a risk to health and safety.

For those who have endured it, the experiences have left a lasting, damaging effect that many don't quite get over.

It can be a debilitating reality and not just for employees with little or no power ... It's becoming more prevalent for employees at all levels from admin to CFOs.

Given the harm that stems from bullying, it has been suggested that it might be one of the most serious problems facing modern organisations.

In this Friday's Career Chat you will have an opportunity to share your experiences, understand your rights and learn strategies for dealing with your current experience or situation.

Join @Renstar from Ostara Australia this Friday from 10am AEST.

Two things you can do now:

1) Hit the 'Like' button below to receive an email reminder during the session

2) Can't make the session? Leave your question below to be answered this Friday

[Renstar]

Workplace bullying is today's topic, good morning and thanks @NikNik.

Sadly the concept has little need for introduction most of us at one time or another have experienced some form of workplace bullying.

Recently a client disclosed to me about a situation in which she was being harassed by not one but two other staff members, the bullying wasn't overt either it was an underhanded and insidious plan to drive her out. And it didn't in fact she was able to prove the incident occurs and now one of the pair have been dismissed.

But that's a good outcome and often outcomes aren't this positive (so to speak, she still has therapy over the incident).

In fact research shows that one of the biggest problems with workplace bullying is the lack of faith workers have in receiving protection from their organisation.

Another issue the research shows is the deep impact on mental health workplace bullying has not only the personal impact but also the cost not only to the victim but also to organisations.

It was found that the lack of protection coupled with the impact on mental health to be creating the biggest issues.

Research also shows that becoming empowered is one of the greatest strategies the victim can use, so that means obtaining help, developing strategies and making a stand against the bully regardless of (and in addition to) whatever the organisation is also doing.

We'll be discussing strategies and particularly strategies will be coming in powered a bit later on.

For now, please share your experiences, it's an emotional topic and one which I believe is at the heart of much mental ill health in the workplace.

[Renstar]

*We'll be discussing strategies and particularly strategies for becoming empowered a bit later on.

[BlueBay]

Hi @NikNik and @Renstar

I am actually home today from having 3 weeks in hospital.  I went back to work yesterday but couldn't cope and had to leave at 3pm.  I feel so guilty for (a) taking the time off and (b) for other to put extra hours in to cover my shift.  I noticed yesterday that I was being treated different by one of my friends/co-worker. Because I told them that I couldn't cope with the work all day as I am finding i am extremely fatigued and still getting used to meds change.  

I feel that no one understands or this particular person doesn't understand what i am going through with depression.  if i could be at work i would but i physically am so exhausted and have confusion and concentration problems.

Am i over thining about this? I feel that people still don't understand mental illness and the stigma.

She also said to me yesterday "well how did you think you went today" and I said "i am ready for bed as i am really tired" - she replied "i think you were really good and well becaue you didn't say one negative thing" - i replied "if only you could read my mind".  How dare she say that to me - and she is a so called friend.

[Renstar]

Hi @BlueBay thanks for stopping by.

... but sorry to hear you're unwell, depression is a physically and mentally draining experience and you are right, people don't understand.

A person I know recently made the comment that her cousin should just get a job because if she did then she would have no time to be depressed!! 

 In other words ... that she should just do something to get over it !! 

In this day and age you would think our culture would be more knowledgeable but they are not ...

.... your co worker sounds like this person I know ... her statement sounds like a 'just get over it by being positive ' speech ... 

Do you feel harassed by this co worker/friend?

[BlueBay]

@Renstar
I feel that when j left work early yesterday there was no @take care take it easy rest up" nothing just see you next week. But it was her body language and tone that really got to me. I started to cry in the car thinking what have I done but then I thought no stuff it's my health I am not going to worry about work. but I do worry about having so much time off because of my mental state. Although I do have backing from my GP and psych.

[Renstar]

@BlueBay  it's completely normal to feel what you're feeling, which is guilt ...   And possibly you're projecting that guilt onto your coworker who may or may not think any less of you ...

 It's completely normal and you are not alone in feeling this way many people who take time off for mental health issues suffer not only the burden of their mental health but also the knowing that someone else has to pick up their shift and wondering what others are thinking of them etc ...

 The right strategy is to do exactly what you did and think stuff it - my mental health is far more important  ...  I have to come first.

 From what I gather it's the feeling you get from being around this person  and maybe the things that they say to you  that get you feeling down.

Now if this person was of greater power and actively targeting you it would constitute bullying according to law.

According to research and in legal terms, bullying at work can be defined as ‘‘harassing, offending, socially excluding someone or negatively affecting someone’s work tasks. . . . it has to occur repeatedly and regularly (e.g., weekly) and over a period of time (e.g., about six months).

Bullying is an escalating process in the course of which the person confronted ends up in an inferior position and becomes the target of systematic negative social acts’’ (Einarsen, Hoel, Zapf, & Cooper, 2003b, p. 15).

However, a conflict cannot be defined as bullying if two parties of approximately equal ‘‘strength’’ are in conflict.

I  don't know how much I agree with these legal and research based terms ... after all trauma doesn't need extended period for it to be inflicted and whether it be between superior colleagues or equal - it still hurts.

What do you feel @BlueBay?

 Maybe also what's going on for you is that the stigma of MI is causing your co worker to be uncaring? Or aloof?  ...  We actually talked about stigma last week do you think your coworker and workplace understand what depression really is ?

[Renstar]

Workplace bullying is something that most organisations have to deal with.
Yet the research still hasn't revealed the most effective strategies for combating workplace bullying and found that the current practices fall short.

For example mediation is one way in which that organisations try to deal with workplace bullying. It is an important intervention strategy but the appropriateness of intervention has been called into question ...

It can be shown that mediation seems to be too little too late and that the issues are in fact a lot greater than first appear in other words what is needed is arbitration and legal advice.

Another issue with mediation appears to be the lack of follow-up so once mediation has occurred it appears that a resolution has been resolved but in fact issues may still be a carrying on ... but they remain under the radar due to lack of follow-up.

The consequences of course are that the victim feels helpless and believes that attempts have been made to help but still the bullying continues ... so there's nothing left.

Mediation is an important strategy for handling bullying and it can be effective but when it's not ... what other recourse is there with in the workplace?

[BlueBay]

Yes @Renstar I think my friend co-woker is very aloof and thinks just get over it and get on with your job!!! But that's not so easy to do.  She claims that she had once depression but not medicated - so if she did then she should be more empathetic you would think.

I am just going to try to do my own work and be pleasant but that's it.  I am going to try very hard to not take in what she says to me, especially the negatives.

Sorry I replied late - i fell asleep 

[NicK]

Hi, I'm unsure if this would be workplace bullying or not, but thought I'd ask anyway.

So a year ago I was loving my job. It gave me a reason to get up in the morning, something to look forward to. I had a supportive team leader and assistant team leader who took time to sit me down and go through my options with me. They even informed me of counselling that was available through the company's Employee Assistance Program (EAP). I was on track to getting better. I had agreements in place, time off to see my psychologist and an RDO as the company's way of showing their support. To me, it meant that they valued not just myself but all their employees.

Unfortunately, after a shift in management, my new team leader pulled me aside and gave me the ultimatum - Commit to FT 5 Days a week (No RDO) or Leave.

I was 21, depressed, suicidal and all I wanted was to get better. To get better, I needed counselling. To have counselling, I needed to fork out cash. To have cash, I needed a job. A job that I had, that was basically telling me to leave.

So like any other struggling young professional on the verge of suicide, I resigned, effective immediately. I did not want to spend another second in that office. I was furious but knew better than to cause a scene that could affect future employment.

The experience threw me off track for longer than expected. It took me months just to get my confidence back to start applying for jobs again. I'm still struggling to find employment, but I'm just glad I'm not in that dark place (mentally) anymore.

Do you have any advice as to how I could've/should've went about the situation?