Lived Experience Forum

[Sans911]

Why do you feel selfish @outlander? You've been through so much, you put up with so much and you don't have many people that truly care about you in rl. I really understand those feelings of wanting to give up.

[formaggio]

hey @outlander sounds like things are tough for you tonight... I wanted to check that you are okay? What things have helped when you've felt like this in the past?

[outlander]

One reason is that mum got my a 2 night hotel stay for my birthday but i dont really want to go @Sans911 just makes me ungrateful. She said i can take someone with me and made me realise i really dont have anyone. I said my sister can come if she wants but dont know if she will.
A big part of me just wants to cancel it and refund mum it back. So selfish. I should be excited to go and get away for the day but atm i dont want to.
I dont think im ijn a very good headspace. I dont even want to go to the horses and when i do i want to go and leave as fast as possible.

[outlander]

Im safe enough thanks
@formaggio just struggling

[Sans911]

That does not make you selfish or ungrateful @outlander. But I guess I might have felt the same way if it was me. You always do things with your sisters, which is admirable but I gather that you would like to share that time with a friend instead. If that was possible right?! And if it was also possible, and you wanted it, I would come with you.

But you're not very well right now, you're feeling vulnerable, scared, anxious and depressed because of your health problems. And these are impacting your mental health.

So to your mother, a 2 day break seems like a great idea. Except it doesn't resolve anything right. You can't enjoy yourself because you're so unwell. So what's the point?

And if you did tell her you don't want to go, she'll make a fuss, call you selfish, ungrateful and all sorts of other things too. But I understand you, and you aren't any of those things.

I don't have any answers @outlander but I'm hearing you. And I understand.

[outlander]

It would be nice to have a friend but i havent got anyone @Sans911
Its a nice gift, just wish i could get excited over it.
Its tireing being alive. I cant get emotional either, as soon as i do it gets to hard to breathe or just to painful. Its hard enough atm without being emotional. The health issues just keep pileing up. Doesnt feel like theres really anything left or left to try and give.

I wish i could actually hug you

[Sans911]

Same here @outlander. I would love to give you a hug, sit next to you and tell you how much you are loved. I know that doesn't make everything better, but I think it goes a long way to at least making you feel loved authentically and feeling like you really are worthwhile. My life is that much better with you in it.

I so wish I could magic your health issues away. My heart hurts so much for you, @Snowie @Shaz51 @Zoe7 with all the issues you have, particularly in relation to your health.

I hear you're tired, frustrated and you feel you have nothing left. But you do have a few things left that you haven't thought of. You have a smart brain that has a thirst to learn. You have a kind, caring heart despite what you've been through and the way you are treated. And you have a pure soul that cares so much about others. You just need to keep caring about you. Keep putting one toe in front of the other if that's all you can manage. 💖💖💖💖

[outlander]

I havent got any words left now @Sans911 im just going to sit here with you but may end up falling asleep very soon.
Thank you 😇💜💜💜💜

[Sans911]

No worries hun @outlander. I'm still here with you. 💕💕💕

[Faith-and-Hope]

💜 @outlander @Sans911