Not Coping

[outlander]

thats fine you dont have to go to that activity that he invited you to but you can still suggest other activities and that includes the one that only wants to go out at night. a movie at night isnt a bad thing either and can sometimes be cheaper too. 'i cant really change that' no you cant change that but you can suggest day time activities.

thats what i mean by compartmentalizing. you were there supporting your friend with a breakup struggle but you were crying about your own things. thats a good example of where you could have sort of put your own needs to the side for the time being and suggest a free activity to do with that friend to perk both of you guys up.

re your validation. i see it here a fair bit. a couple of members will comment here and try and empathize with you, share their experiences to try and guide you through whatever the struggle your reaching out for but when you dont get the answer you want you seek it out from other members until you reach that validation that things are as bad as what you feel they are.

its important to acknowledge the steps your taking to help yourself. it doesnt mean that you struggle less but it means that your engaging in things to try and help yourself.
good days dont mean that the bad days have gone or struggle are less it means that youve had a good day and thats just that enjoy the nicer emotions for that time being rather then questioning it.

@Birdofparadise8 

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, I'll see if he wants to do anything else @outlander 

He was in Gippsland then, so I couldn't do anything with him, seeing I'm in Melbourne. It's like three to four hours away. 

I guess I could have tried to, but I was sobbing as something had just happened. 

Are you referring to what happened with @ENKELI? They didn't know how to answer my question about the validation from psych and needed to set that aside to . I asked them that question from what they shared, but as they couldn't answer it, I asked @RiverSeal what they thought. 

Because I was confused about why I shouldn't let my psych validate people not messaging me.

One thing, though, I was telling my psych that, and he was validating it about how he messages me.

Why would he do that if I need to not let it upset me?

This is what we were talking about @outlander 

Enkeli didn't know how to answer that, so I asked @RiverSeal. 

Why are you saying that this is negative?

re your validation. i see it here a fair bit. a couple of members will comment here and try and empathize with you, share their experiences to try and guide you through whatever the struggle your reaching out for but when you dont get the answer you want you seek it out from other members until you reach that validation that things are as bad as what you feel they are.

What if things are really as bad as I say they are?

[outlander]

No I’m not referring to your convo re the psych. I’m talking about in general @Birdofparadise8
It’s in most of your conversations, if you don’t get the answer you want you keep asking members or specific members until you get the answer that you want to hear rather then hearing what the other perspectives are. It’s hard for people to share their stories so when they do they are trying to share a different perspective.
It seems like you only want people to validate the things are that hard rather than the things that are good.
It’s good to have your struggles validated, it’s good for everyone to acknowledge that things are super hard but it doesn’t need to be the source of every conversation that is had. It’s important to have an open mind rather than shutting down any suggestion that is provided to you.

[Birdofparadise8]

Right, okay, sure thing @outlander 

I don't always talk about how bad things were a few weeks ago; I probably didn't talk about it as much as I do now. I'm not sure if you are aware, but my mood stabiliser is below the therapeutic range, so it's not working correctly, meaning it's probably a main component as to why I'm struggling so much at the moment. I'm not a self-centred person who doesn't talk to others about things going on in there life. I try my best to support members around here. 

[outlander]

Medications aren’t a cure though. They may be helpful but you still have to put in the work and actually want it and want to improve not just say you want to improve and only do it because you feel obligated to be better- there is definently a difference in that. It’s good you’re working on attending a girls group, and other things. If emotions are what you’re struggling with the most then that is something that would be worked on. DBT might be useful to you, your psych might also have more useful strategies.

[Birdofparadise8]

I do know that @outlander 

If I can take something that will help me have less SI, I will. 

I am working on getting better. I don't just sit here and do nothing all the time. I am actively improving things. My regular at KHL have been quite pleased with how I've been challenging things and working on gratitude. Also, my psych as well with setting bournes and a few other things he mentioned last week. 

I definitely don't feel obligated to get better. I do want to get better. Why would I just say I want to get better, but then I don't? I don't want to be sad, lonely and feeling so bad that I want to end my life I don't think that's a way to live, and I am trying my best with what support and skills I've got. 

[outlander]

@Birdofparadise8

No where did I say that you sit there and do nothing but that post was put there to actually think about what it is that you want or need to get better.
Many go to therapy etc because they feel they have to and they say they want to get better but deep down they aren’t sure.
Some people are even afraid to get better because the attention they receive from supports and other people become less and that can be scary to some.

If there is one thing that you feel could improve your life, what is it? And what can do you to reach that?

[Birdofparadise8]

Hmm, my depression, but I'm actively trying to work on that by creating some friendships, meeting a guy, going to therapy, exercising, and talking to KHL. Gratitude and challenging thoughts. @outlander 

[outlander]

That is good @Birdofparadise8 when things get hard or when you feel on crisis remind yourself that these are the steps you’re taking.
Make mini goals along the way. If being visual helps maybe you can create a goals board to check off. Every goal has steps to it as well so that it always feels like your doing something.

try to use phrases like “my depression is bad right now but I am taking steps to improve it by x y z” it’s about giving yourself power for doing positive things and trying not to swim in the negativity 

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah okay @outlander 

A goals board that sounds interesting. What would you suggest? 

Also, I'm sorry if I've come across as rude or anything. I think I found some of the conversations hard to understand.