Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @tyme 

Wish me luck with my psych today. I'm so nervous about asking about hugging. 

How are you?

[Birdofparadise8]

What's happening @Snowie 

I'm just nervous about seeing my psych and talking about hugging. I'm scared he will say no, and I'll get upset. 

[tyme]

You mean you want to give him a hug @Birdofparadise8 ? 

In our last discussion, I thought he was the one who mentioned hugging.

Whatever it is, all the best 🙂

[Birdofparadise8]

No, I want to hug him @tyme 

[tyme]

Argh.... okay @Birdofparadise8 . Gotcha.

[Birdofparadise8]

Maybe I didn't explain myself right when we were talking about it @tyme 

I'm worried that if I ask him and he says no, I'll get upset and feel like he is rejecting me. 

I suppose I can see where people are coming from when saying no, especially when people have been violated physically, but for me, I feel it would be really helpful. 

[tyme]

In a professional relationship, hugging is often a no no. @Birdofparadise8  I'll be honest with you. Unless there is a safety issue (restraint), one cannot just give someone a hug. 

I hear how much you want a hug right now. Rather than saying, "Can you give me a hug?" consider telling him what's been going through your mind lately. e.g.  "I've been thinking a lot that I really want a hug from you. I know this may not be standard practice, but I really feel like I need a hug and if i don't get one, I feel rejected..." 

IDK, something like that? Then it gives you an opportunity to work through some of those thoughts as opposed to potential rejection.

[Birdofparadise8]

I wasn't going to just give him one. I was going to ask him if would it be okay @tyme 

Yeah, that sounds like a good way to say it.

Hypothetically he says yes and that's great!

Hypothetically he says no and I've told him before he said no that I would feel like it's a form of rejection wouldn't that put him in a weird spot? Or would we just discuss it? @tyme 

[tyme]

It's DEFINITELY a chance to open up a conversation about what's going on for you. In other words, whatever the result is, it's a win-win. @Birdofparadise8 

In the past, people 'reject' you by letting you know and walking away or something. How good will it be to be able to discuss the ins and out of it with a professional 🙂 ! Seize the opportunity.

AND, IF hypothetically, he says yes, then where to from there? Will you ask for another hug, then another, then another? No need to answer... I'm just thinking what the learning will be from getting a hug as opposed to not getting one.

[Bow]

Hi @Birdofparadise8  hope it’s ok for me to throw my 2 cents worth in. 

I think it would be wise for you to prepare yourself for your psych to say no about giving you a hug. I would genuinely be really surprised if he said it would be an ok practice. People like that have pretty clear and strict professional boundaries and it would be highly inappropriate for him to hug you, especially male to female. All sorts of allegations could come out of it. 

I understand that you are wanting a hug, you are wanting physical touch and comfort, but I would think that that is not the right place to be seeking it. Can your aunt and uncle offer that for you? Your new house mates? That new friend circle you had brunch with recently? 
It’s pretty normal for people to want comfort and support… physical touch, especially when going through tough times. I was really upset recently with my support worker, and she recognised that receiving a hug would be helpful, but she said to me that she couldn’t due to their professional boundaries, which I was totally fine about and wasn’t expecting one. I also finished up with my pdoc last Friday, she also said that she wished she could have given me a hug, but again, professional boundaries. She shook my hand instead. 

I think having a conversation with your psych about your need for physical touch and receiving hugs and maybe you can brain storm ideas together. I just would not be seeking it from him. 

hope that’s all ok to say. Sorry if it’s not.