Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Lucky you, I wish we would go out @RiverSeal 

Some of our other family members don't want to pay the extra money to go out on Christmas Day so we have to cook everything. It will be a nice day in the end but a lot of work my mum is putting on my and dad. She will complain on Monday about why we decided to do so much. 

Anyway, as tyme said I will bite my tongue and go along with it. 

Do you get along well with your parents? 

I'm unsure if you've seen any of my posts about today with my mum. 

[RiverSeal]

Yeah going out sounds nice but I think Christmas with a big family sounds nice too. It's just been my parents, my sister and me since I was 12 years old. I have spent a few Christmases not seeing my family due to work like my sister is doing this year. So I would cherish the time you have with your family and tyme's suggestion to bite your tongue and go along with it sounds good @Birdofparadise8!

I didn't see your post about your mum but happy to talk about it if you want to fill me in today. Take care

RiverSeal

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah it will be a nice day. There is just a lot of setting up and cooking to do for it @RiverSeal 

What are you doing after here?

This is from a couple of posts I made yesterday. 

My mother is so unfair. She came into my room and woke me up at 7:45 am and said, Come on, we need to go and get the groceries now. Then I went upstairs to have breakfast first, and she said let's go. I said I needed to shower first, and she went off her head at me. I told Mum you can't expect me to be ready, dressed showered and have breakfast before I'm awake how can I do that? She had an unfair expectation and was very angry at me. I tried to tell her it was unfair, but she didn't seem to agree. 

Anyway, we've started the shopping one shop down and like 100 to go. 

I just don't understand why she has to act like this. 

I also have an appointment I booked five weeks ago I'm getting my legs waxed and she said how could I be so inconvinent because it's at 12:15 when I'm helping her with all the grocery shopping she never asked if I would help she assumed I would. I was going to help but still. 

Anyway it doesn't matter ill just have to put up with her and cry somehow. I don't know when or how I can’t go anywhere. 

This is why I said to my psych I would prefer to be in Melbourne and suicidal and alone than here when I have to put up with this and suppress my emotions so much. 

 tried to explain how I felt and she just goes off at me more. It’s hard to explain. I suppose every family dynamic is different. 
she just doesn’t think I have a life outside of her and that I’ll do everything she wants. She said she didn’t even think that I might be busy doing something today. 

I just want to be able to cry so badly. Hopefully, I can go for a walk tomorrow to the nice water lookout and there is a small area where there are seats so I can go cry there, but I highly doubt I'll be able to leave her. 

She thinks I'm 12 or something when I'm not I'm 20 that's what's annoying as well. How she treats me like I'm so little. I've changed a lot this year, and learnt a lot about myself and my needs. They are different to what my needs and boundaries were a year ago. 

[RiverSeal]

Sounds tough with your mum @Birdofparadise8 and I think you are right in that parents maybe don't think we have a life outside of the family. Parents can be set in their ways though and just do what they do without thinking about others and the impact on them. My family dynamics are not great either and it doesn't seem to matter how much I recover they drag me back down. But I stand up for myself and keep reminding them of everything I do for work and study. It's tough though but I encourage you to keep going and seeing them when you can and staying in contact when you are back in Melbourne.

Do you journal? I'm just wondering if you did you could write your emotions down when you don't have the privacy from your parents to cry. There is a great journalling app Gratitude I used it for a while but it's not something I kept on practicing. I'm sure you know the benefits of journalling but it could be a way of expressing your emotions when you are at home and keeping it confidential because it's on your phone and password protected. Here's an article about the benefits of journalling: 5 Benefits of Journaling for Mental Health (positivepsychology.com)

I'm just going to relax this evening and I don't think I can even wrap the few presents I have as mum doesn't have wrapping paper this year. I have a few things to do while I'm away for study and work so I'll probably spend time on my computer over the next few days writing emails and stuff.

RiverSeal

[Birdofparadise8]

I know it's a bit difficult, but I'll persevere. 

Oh do they not understand your own MH or something @RiverSeal?

I try doing that by standing up for myself but my Mum and Dad just say I need to stop going on about it and to not be so precious. 

No not really. I would need to find time. I'll have a think about it. I'm pretty busy today and tomorrow. 

Oh no, never mind, save the paper, hahaha. 

I better go mum is getting angry lol. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Hey @Snowie 

How many people are you having tomorrow all together? 

[Snowie]

Hi @Birdofparadise8 

We've got 12 people all together. It is my husbands side of the family and my mum. They are easy to be around so hopefully it doesn't get too overwhelming.

I hope your day is going ok, despite your mum.

[Birdofparadise8]

Nice 12 is a good number. I've got 16 @Snowie 

Yeah, it's a little better today, I guess. 

I don't know why she acts like this, but anyway. 

What are you doing today?

[Snowie]

Been busy this morning. Went up street and just in the middle of cleaning the house @Birdofparadise8 

Just sat down for a coffee! Better get back to it. Hopefully it won't take much longer.

Talk soon hon.

[Birdofparadise8]

Okay, I hope it's going well. 

My aunt (not the one in Melboure) is coming over to help at 3 pm. So I have a busy afternoon instead.