Not Coping

[ENKELI]

@Birdofparadise8 all good, not a lot to say! Sorry, I tend to go into detail where I don't need to.

Right now I'm feeling very miserable and teary, so sorry in advance for the negative post.

I miss my former best friend and 2 Godchildren and I am trying to decide whether to reach out to them with a Christmas card. My former friend ghosted me back in April and haven't heard from her or the kids since.
They were my family for 8 years and this is the first Christmas where I won't have any contact with them. I've still got my Goddaughters' 16th birthday present which I had got for her before her mother cut me out of their lives. I miss my friends' brother and mum too, she told them to cut me off and block me as well.

It's like I lost my whole family and I don't know what to do next. I dread Christmas and would rather just sleep through the entire day and let it go by. And that's coming from a Christian who celebrates the day as a significant religious occasion.

I feel so lost and miserable 😓

[PrincessLettuce]

Hi @bartart23 ,

It sounds like you're having a hard time at the moment. I'm sorry to hear that.

I've just sent you an email.

Could you please confirm that you are safe?

- PrincessLettuce

[ENKELI]

@bartart23 no you haven't failed anyone.

I don't know why we have to go through this BS and it's the constant wondering why me/you, what have we done that we deserve to go through this crap.

What did I do that made my best friend block me from her life? She was the one who would hold me as I cried when my anxiety got bad, when I would apologise for being a crappy friend because of my MH she would tell me she'd rather have me as I am than not at all. And now she doesn't want me.

You've come this far, just think one day at a time, or even just one hour at a time. Sometimes I've had to promise myself I will be safe for the next 5 minutes and then see what happens, then the next 5 minutes, and the next. I pray, read a book, water my plants, think about the new friends I've made here.

I know that may not work for you but it's what I try to do when I am really bad.

You are valued and you have a purpose that may not be known just yet, but just around the corner you'll see, oh that's why I'm still here.

[bartart23]

I don't have any friends here
Because all my life I've been hurt I won't say the other word everytime I say something I just feel like I failed sane and everyone on here it's not because of something anyone done it's me I am the problem

If I was allowed to say I love U in a friend I would I don't know if that's allowed?

I have Charles talking screaming at me I don't know how to stop him I've done shower music walking playing gta 5 playing with cat talking to a friend

I am lost and crying

[bartart23]

Is it weird I am talking to them? Am I crazy?  I am clapping and listening to them I can't sleep they all in there 

I hate them haha it reminds me of my birth lady screaming 

I hear daddy voice in my head  I am maniac  crying in a corner  

With the little girl looking at me oh boy 

I have no energy 

No I'm not talking about harm or nothing 

For the mods that read this  

Aliens are coming 

[Birdofparadise8]

It's okay, don't worry about it @ENKELI 

Yeah, you've told me about her. Did you drop off the presents?

Do you have any other family to be with?

[Blackbird11]

Welcome Home @Birdofparadise8 

Wishing you all the best for your stay here 💚

[Birdofparadise8]

Thanks. @Blackbird11 

How are you 

[Blackbird11]

Oops 😬  safe travels ✈️

How are you feeling?

I'm good, just got my printer going... yay! 🥳

[Birdofparadise8]

I'm feeling quite nervous because I'll be going from seeing no one to about 17 people on Monday. And I'm also going to see Granny at the grave tomorrow. 

@Blackbird11 

That's good to hear. What else are you doing? Work? 

I've just finished with my psych. I’m feeling a bit odd.