Not Coping

[tyme]

If you can hold onto these Acceptance and Commitment Therapy metaphors and learnings, you'll go along way @Birdofparadise8 

I remember how much these helped me in my recovery. They just made so much sense. Maybe it works for logical thinkers who overthink things? That was me before.

[Birdofparadise8]

I'm not sure my psych is doing that with me. He just challenges what I say, and last week, we just kept going around in a circle as to why I feel sad at night time and why I am crying when I seriously don't know. Other than feeling empty and worthless. 

He said something must be happening as I wouldn't be crying otherwise. @tyme 

[Birdofparadise8]

Can I ask you something about food @tyme?

[Blackbird11]

Hey @Birdofparadise8 

Have been thinking about you, how has your day been?

When is Taylor Swift concert?

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @Blackbird11 

I had a GP appointment and got an implanon inserted just in case I'm trying to get into dating. Well, it's going very, very slow. 

I have a big bruise on my arm, and it's still numb. 

I'm going to the one on the 17th of Feb. 

I have been alright all day up until right now, really. I'm finally relaxed now my new computer chair has been delivered. And then I started thinking, and now I'm crying. 

How are you?

[Blackbird11]

Ouch! Sounds painful,hope you feel better soon.

That's one month away @Birdofparadise8 🤩

It's tough for you, are you thinking about the past? About your self-worth? Or about something else?

I'm doing ok, work and training went very well today. Just relaxing now, it will soon be bed time 🛌 

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, it's good. 

No, not about my past. I'm thinking about how I'm a bad, unworthy person. I'm also thinking about how lonely I am, that I'll always be alone, that no one truly cares about me, and why would anyone. I am a pathetic person. I don't have any friends, which proves I'm no good. 

See, I'm just a bully in my head. @Blackbird11 

I don't know how to stop it. It just makes me sad. I need to be nicer to myself, but how can I be when this is all I feel about myself? 

[tyme]

Hey @Birdofparadise8 ,

Ask away as long as it's within guidelines.

As for being sad, I wonder if it's about you not wanting to allow yourself to be sad and hence you are fighting it, but the more you fight it, the more it's just there? Maybe this is something to unpack with your psych.

[Birdofparadise8]

Okay, so for a long time, actually, I compared the amount of food I ate to certain people. One time I was out for dinner with some family, and my aunt and uncle shared a pizza I had one to myself and left two slices. They didn't leave any, but I felt guilty I ate more than they did. I've also done it a few times when I was at their house, and I saw how much my aunt had compared to me. Then, I did it again the other day when we went out with my mum, uncle, and aunt. 

Anyway, so I'm having them over for dinner on Saturday, and I worry about how much I eat compared to them. 

When I had the pizza that day, I just said I was full even though I wasn't. My aunt is shorter than me and is a bit smaller in body size. I just feel guilty about it. I don't do it when I'm with my parents as I eat less than them then as they are both much bigger than me. It's only when I'm around people a similar size to me. 

I'm sorry if I've said something wrong @tyme I also don't know if that makes sense. 

[Blackbird11]

You are so worthy @Birdofparadise8, your input on here is so valuable and we care so much about you. Your perspective is unique and important ✨️ You matter!