Not Coping

[Blackbird11]

It's hard @Birdofparadise8 

Not a nice situation to deal with. Stigma is a hard thing to tackle, be gentle with yourself. You did the best you could.

[Birdofparadise8]

Yes, I feel so bad. She is even studying psychology she couldn't handle me she said. 

I'm so shaken. I'm on the train back to the hospital I want to cry so badly. In not sure what I'm feeling its like it's happening again @Blackbird11 

Do you have any ideas. Why I'm so upset from seeing her. 

[Blackbird11]

They don't sound very respectful @Birdofparadise8 

I think being told by someone they can't handle you is a massive red flag and trigger. What's important is you know you matter and are worthy. You are important and loved.

[Birdofparadise8]

I don't think I've appropriately explained what happened.

So I met her in Feb at uni and we got on really well. She started asking me questions about myself and something came up about my MH I told her and we got talking about it and her ADHD which was all good. Then one day she wouldn't respond to me or answer my call and then she just texted me and said sorry Laura I can talk to you anymore your MH is impacting me too much.

I was absolutely devastated and I felt so abandoned, alone and rejected. 

Now I haven't seen her since May and then I saw her today. She asked if I was better from what was happening earlier and I said yes because why would I tell her I'm in hospital? It was so hard seeing her. I feel like I did when it happened in May. 

I'm so sad and its just wreaked my good day @Blackbird11 

[Blackbird11]

That's a really hard situation to be in @Birdofparadise8 

I feel like you've grown since then and you are more aware of yourself. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength. Do you arrive home today?

[Birdofparadise8]

It was awful @Blackbird11 

I couldn't stop crying for so long. I don't know why seeing her triggered me so much. I just had so many emotions going through my mind about her and then the bullying at school. 

Yes, I'm home. So very exciting not. I'm a bit overwhelmed, actually. I've unpacked, and I've done two paintings. I'll take a photo of them once they dry and I paint over them. I am about to work out what food I need for the week. 

I feel like if I think about being here at home now. It's feeling really hard, and that's why I did a painting to distract myself. I feel so many things right now, but I'm safe. 

[Blackbird11]

So glad you're safe @Birdofparadise8 I would love to see your paintings.

It's ok to have hard feelings about hard situations. Often other people will make others feel bad to make themselves feel better.It's how you respond that matters. Freedom is what you do with what's being done to you.

I went to the opening of minds do matter exhibition here in Hobart, I have a piece in the exhibition, it has sold already. The theme was adapt: Awareness, connection, belonging.

 

  Here is my piece and artist statement

[Birdofparadise8]

I know it still doesn't take away the fact I feel so hurt by her. 

I'll have a look once I can see it. 

I'm trying to work out what to have for the week. I'm not going to cook today, but I will tomorrow. 

I'm getting overwhelmed just working out what to cook. It's like I'm doing a complete 360 on my life @Blackbird11. 

[Blackbird11]

Can you plan easy things like toastys and microwave meals, cup a soups and pasta just until you settle back in? @Birdofparadise8 

[Birdofparadise8]

I'll have a chicken schnitzel and salad on Sunday and Monday, on Tuesday I'm going out with a friend and then on Thursday and Friday I'll have a beef ragu I want to make, and on Saturday and on Saturday and Sunday I might have some fish. I'll see how I'm feeling by then. 

I'll have strawberries, cheesecake overnight oats for breakfast, and then lunch will be a sandwich. I think @Blackbird11 

I can't cook tonight. I'm not sure what I'll get, though. I like to cook a meal and make it last a couple of days so I don't have to cook every night. 

My friend just texted me and said he might be going back home soon. If he stays down there for a while, I'll have no one to see. I'm going to be so alone.