Lived Experience Forum

[faithandhope]

I am trapped and afraid of what I'm thinking and feeling . I have always had.a plan and followed it whenever I was triggered or whenever I had a set back. This time it's different...for all the plans I have created  and steps I followed and the  positive  thoughts I would repeat and repeat to myself in a time of total darkness this time it's just not working.  Which adds more anxiety to my already anxious mind.

Have spent the last three days reaching out to every organisation out there and yet here I am....,feeling left behind and.trapped in my mind in total darkness..   Im not even sure opening myself up on here is going to give me some light but I guess there is no harm in trying everything....I'm starting to totally understand how sometimes it's just so much easier to stop trying.

I will try reaching out again tomorrow and maybe someone out there might actually hear me. .

[RiverSeal]

Hi @faithandhope 

Thank you for reaching out on the Forums!

We hear you and thank you for sharing what you have been going through and that you have been reaching out to every organisation. 

The Forums are a safe space to talk about SI and we understand what having those thoughts feels like and the impact it has on us. I have had my own thoughts of SI and have been in dark places too and for me, it was not what I wanted but where I found myself. I reached out to crisis support services perhaps some of the same organisations that you have recently contacted. It helped me get through the moment and get to a place of healing and hope where I could work on other parts of my MH and my recovery.

I never experienced Peer Support though and the experience of talking with someone else who had been through a similar situation and had similar thoughts. The Forums are a great place to get Peer Support from the members and moderators. But have you thought about the SANE Guided Service program where you can have sessions with a Peer Support Worker or Counsellor and talk about what you are going through? In case you haven't heard of it I will put a link below for you to have a look at:

• Guided service (sane.org)

I encourage you to continue reaching out for support on the Forums and we can support you here. Please don't stop trying and sometimes we fail so many times but you have the resilience so keep going. I can see from your post that you have the courage and determination to recover and there are many people here like you on the Forums. 

Thank you again for reaching out!

I'm here all day if you would like a chat on the Forums today!

Take care

RiverSeal

[wellwellwellnez]

Hey @faithandhope . Your second sentence "I have always had.a plan and followed it whenever I was triggered or whenever I had a set back." , seems something to focus on for a few reasons.

For one thing, paying attention to when things work is generally part of good practice.

Another thing, maybe your reward centers owe you more serotonin for those kind of accomplishments. I mean (what do I mean?) while it is good to compare and compete with your best self, that best self is a product of all the versions of your self that are also working very hard. Or, it's not just your best self that deserves credit because it's your whole self that gets you there.

Also, I'm interested for selfish reasons. That skill you mention is something that I'm actively trying to work on (with kind of comparable trappings). For me, working out the balance between what I want and what everyone else seems to want, seems like the key challenge. Often too hard to work out if I'm being too selfless or too selfish.

I think I'm hearing you a bit, but it also seems clear that I'm projecting my own issues onto your scenario. You were kind enough to share your notes, so I wanted to share mine.

[BlueBells]

Hi @faithandhope

I've been going through a bit of that myself lately, and wondering why I even wake up, and full of 'pointlessness".

I don't think I have an answer, but I hear you Hugs , lots of hugs xoxoxoxoxo