Lived Experience Forum

[Teej]

Hmm wasn’t sure where over there could be. Chickened out and came here @CheerBear. How are going a week after your respite. It feels like it’s gone very fast to me. 

[Teej]

PS it’s also ok if you are not feeling like being in a nest to being on a recovery thread. Sometimes I have reactions to what thread I’m on as to how I’m feeling @CheerBear . Just to confuse you all the more. Mwahaha 😘

[CheerBear]

Yay at seeing you here @Teej 😊

I can't believe it's only been a week. But it also feels like it's gone really quickly in a way too. I'm going OK thanks. Way better than before I went in. It's been a busy week with the kids, with trying to get some things in place so I stay at least OK, and with some new people (one nice smelling one in particular 😉) I met while I was away. Next week it will settle into a more normal way of routine/structured way of doing things I think.

How are you feeling about heading to your respite? (Totally OK if you don't want to talk about it).

[Teej]

You know we have to find a name for the nice smelling one @CheerBear 😜. 

I think it will be good to have that routine and break through the day from the 24/7 again. Loved having them on holidays and no routine and loved having them at school with routine. 

I am scared but now now looking forward to the break place. The person who organised it was gorgeous and told me very briefly about the other participants which calmed my farm a bit. It will be interesting to see how it goes. So have to pull on my big girl pants and work out this talked to other unknown humans in the flesh thing instead of hiding behind a computer screen. 

Im ok to talk about anything but was very aware of how self centred I’ve been lately. 

[CheerBear]

I don't know what to call the one that smells really good @Teej 😆 I think we're in that weird "what even is this" place. But it's good 😊

I can totally understand the scared but looking forward to it feels. It's strange to do the talking to other humans in person thing in situations like I imagine you'll be in. I'm almost always find it really great, but I'm so out of my comfort zone in lots of ways. Comfort zone isn't the place where much moving forward happens though, so maybe its good to stretch it sometimes. So scary though!

I read your road to recovery post. I wish I had some answers or something helpful to say. I was stumped and stuck thinking about how overwhelming and probably scary it would feel. I can send you lots of caring hugs and cheering on though. You're really brave, even if it doesn't feel like it.

I think you've been doing lots of big, hard stuff lately.

[Teej]

I think that’s really lovely @CheerBear. Think we’ve got it (otsrg) 😂. I’m going to have to get that put in my iPad dictionary so I don’t have to remember it 😜. 

Yesterday when I was doing my assessment/ interview for the break place I realised that I’ve actually come along way. I’ve been kicked out of (taken to hospital for being naughty) of break places in the past. I’ve always gone it with an out if that makes sense. I realised I have no intention of taking anything in anymore. It’s pure respite to get through without using unhelpful coping methods. I kind of felt a little proud that I have come a little way since those days. Maybe it’s that, that has me questioning if I need this intensive therapy. I think I’m also being very impatient as to whether it’s even an option or not. The irony is that I may not be BPD enough now which is kind of good but kind of in no mans land too. 

And so have you with the the Big and brave and ticking lots of boxes. It’s been a privilege to be with you walking through it. It’s helping me lots. I hope the weekend is lovely. Not sure if you’ve plans with otsrg or not. If so I hope it goes well. I bet you keep trying to pinch yourself for a reality check 😊. 

I know its your goodnight time so have a good one. Will catch up at some stage. 

[CheerBear]

Haha with the OTSRG @Teej! We have plans early next week when the littler ones are back at school 🐣 

That's huge progress Teej 😊 To know you're not planning on an out if you wanted it, and to still be brave enough to be going in without it, is big. I can see how it would have you questioning that intensive therapy. Sometimes hints of me being OK or things getting better have me thinking that maybe I don't really need whatever it is - meds, therapy stuff, FV stuff (that one happens lots) etc. I think it especially when something I am facing is really scary. Maybe some time out next week will help you feel more certain or clear about it all. Grrr to no-mans land if that happens. Crossing fingers it all works out in a way that is helpful for you.

Thank you for your lovely words and your support 😊 You really are fab 💗

Hope you sleep/rest/have an OK evening. Will be thinking of you next week (if we don't catch up before then) and looking forward to hearing how it goes.

[Teej]

Thanks @CheerBear. The mum in me says you be very careful but the child in me says just enjoy it for what it is without any pressure. I dated my ex for months having Monday lunches out. It avoided lots of issues. Good luck for whatever comes. 💜🤗

[Shaz51]

@CheerBear, checking in to see how you are going my friend , hope you are ok

[outlander]

Missing you @CheerBear i get a feeling things arent great for you  right  now ❤🌈