Lived Experience Forum

[figureskate222]

A black smog suffocates my lungs...all the pressures of life is what the black smoke was I’m not going to make you analyze ever little thing I say cause that’s just dumb I’m just going to tell you that the black smog is all of the bad things or things that stress me in life and I’m not going to identify those things for you because I frankly don’t know what they are ...my thoughts are shallow and not deep am I faking this emotion? Is it for attention? Every single time I almost reach out I think about how not one diagnoses fits me...does everyone feel like this...is there  anything wrong with me?...I want to talk about it to someone but idk how to put what I feel into words and I don’t want to seem fake because deep down maybe I am....how can I expect someone to understand my thoughts when I don’t understand them myself...I’ve thought strongly about self harm but Do I actually want to do that or is it just my head wanting attention...I’m loosing motivation but not how I thought I would...I just don’t care anymore I make excuses I want to reach out but how? Idk what to do? I’ve briefly thought about killing myself but hasn’t everyone....what even are my thoughts?....and now I’m going to post this on a forum because I need to vent to somebody even if it doesn’t make any sense...even if there is nothing wrong with me....

Im really sorry if this post is weird or doesn’t make sense. I’ve been dealing with a lot of thoughts lately and I just need to vent my feelings and I write about it best in poem form 

[Itsjustme]

I'm not exactly qualified to make a diagnosis but to me it's sounds like anxiety.  You're not alone in being concerned about feeling like you may be fake but if you think it's real than my advice would be to see a professional. It was difficult for me to open up but it's better than being bottled up untill something explodes. 

[GoatV2-0]

You're definitely not alone.

Sure a 'label' of diagnosis can be the beginning of trying to treat your symptoms, but just know that by reaching out and writing that poem you are starting the healing process.

Just getting it out there somehow is a sign your inner wise-self is still very much a part of your life.

Don't give up hope and as I always recommend ; if you haven't sought professional help for this. Please do. I know we all respond different to different types of modality when it comes to treatment, but for ME it's always going to be about getting the guidance I require to find my way back to my true self.

Best of luck on your journey and there's always someone here if you need to vent again.

[Sophie1]

@figureskate222 I can totally identify with your thoughts - I think wanting to understand your thoughts and feelings and behaviours more deeply is a wonderful thing ... any therapist or professional who helps you deepen your understanding of yourself could be a fascinating and life giving experience for you - in the meantime please keep reaching out with whatever is going on - sharing is awesome - we are not alone x

[figureskate222]

Thanks for responding guys....reading everyone’s responses made me feel a little better knowing other people feel the same...hopefully I’ll figure things out eventually

[Nay69]

@figureskate222

Keep believing in you and take the time to just breathe 🤗

Sending you big hugs