Lived Experience Forum

[Emma7]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post here - so hi to you all.

I cannot accept my life as it is now: I'm single, very thin, with a child like body or so I call it (that is size 8 and small chest), and my hair thinning due to medical conditions.

Since I was a teenager wanted to be curvy and with a very different body - more woman like not skinny creature. I tried to be fatter, but cannot - again hormonal problems, too much testosterone in my body.

So now in my depression have stopped looking at myself in the mirror, cause I cannot bear my own image, and went more and more careless - no manicure, no makeup and so on. 
I look at women and compare myself almost constantly and envy the curvy ones.

Also, I pretend in my head I'm also curvy, this is not me the woman I rarely see in the mirror and so on - I also avoid mirrors whenever possible.

Is there someone else in my same shoes? Any advice on how to cope with this?

My own family is telling me to stop pretending because I'll end up crazy althogether, but are they right? Those fantasies are the only moment I feel OK. 😞

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Emma7 There are great people on the forum with different experiences.

A lot of people have body image problems. 

I too avoided mirrors and decided in the long run that the world is too image conscious.  That is how I dealt with it.  I embraced androgyny in some ways, but now dress up occasionally for a concert or so.

[outlander]

Hello @Emma7 and welcome

It sounds really tough for you. While im not in your shoes i can empathise in that i avoid mirrors and i dont like the way i look at all. I too often fantasize about looking like this or that or envying how others look and wishing i looked like that too. To some extent i do think this is normal for anyone of any age.

Teenage yrs can be so hard and sometimes adult hood really isn't any better is it! Do you think speaking to a psychologist might be helpful so that you can talk to them about your concerns and they can help you with your thoughts? You meantioned having depression so you may have one already?

I dont think your pretending, these are real concerns for you and that is ok. Well done for reaching out for some extra supports.

[BandS338]

@Emma7 - I am guy so I can't completely understand the femanine side of things, but I do understand what it feels like to wish my body was different in certain ways.  I am a short guy and in my line of work majority of the people I work with are very tall.  Alot of females who are average height are taller than me.  A lot of times I feel like an inferior man when I am around these people, and the short/ small person jokes come at me every now and then.  I have also always had a rough potted face and really oily skin and that has been another area I wished was different.  It used to be harder on me when I was in my late teens and early 20's.  I not that old but now that I am older I have learned to just accept who I am and the way that God has created me.  Focus on the people who love you, have confidence in who you are.  Confidence alone can change your image big time.  There will alway be people who try to bring us down with hurtful comments, but on the other token there will always be someone who loves you.  You may or may not have found that love, but they are out there.  God bless.