Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Sharni-lea]

• I am so confused. My partner of 10 years moved out to get help so as to not hurt me anymore as she acknowldeges she needs help, yet has not accessed help yet, but has appointments scheduled. Over the 3 months of her leaving she has slowly distanced herself more and more. She still sometimes messages that she loves me, and like today she asked if I was heading the same way to get her a lift, she does want to come for dinner this week. Friend's with no bpd experiences say if she wanted me she'd show me, but I make allowances for untreated bpd. She's not out there living a high life, she's couch surfing and on eat dleep repeat. Is it just this is honestly all she can offer right now or am I trauma bonded and being bread crumbed? How the heck do we know? 

[Appleblossom]

Your thread title resonated deeply with me. I guess we can never know for sure. Dealing with wounded human beings and we all carry some psychological pain means that its complicated. In the end only you will know. I was trauma bonded for decades. Guard your heart a little and live your best life in the now. If you want to keep possibility open for that relationship set some limits. Eg not start a new one quickly but still get out and about, find  stern inner discipline to be open if she needs and keep putting expectation of being treated with respect yourself. The "love" word is often misused and pulls on our heart strings. Gently lay your boundaries down. If it is meant to be she will find a way to demonstrate love... and I don't mean the s*x word. BPD is truly heart rending but it is important not to be fooled around. .. and it all being blamed on some mental illness. Take care

Apple