Setting Healthy Boundaries

[StanD]

Hello All,

I'm sure this has been discussed many times on this forum & within MH in general.

Personally, I'm shocked at how much I still don't 'get it'. 

I still let other people 'walk over me', in an attempt to keep them in my life. 

I was wondering if any other members feel like this?

Do you wish you were way more skilled & assertive in your own life?

  

Source https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/

There is no need to over-explain yourself or apologize for setting boundaries, as everyone may say what they do and do not want to do.

  

I would really love to be able to improve.. Become an expert at this!

I'm not sure if it's always possible? I need to be much more aware.

I think we all apologise way too much, I know I do. And I definately put up with things that I know are wrong. 

Anyone an expert at this?

It's a complex & very layered topic.

Thanks, StanD

❤️

[Bow]

It’s for sure something that I struggle with @StanD  putting boundaries up, saying no to people, expressing what I feel and need and telling important information to the right people. BUT, I am getting better at it. My supports encourage me, and they help me to do these things in ways that are  better suited to me. 
It takes time and it’s especially challenging when things in your past have contributed towards why these things are difficult for you. 

[StanD]

Thankyou for replying @Bow is good to read that you are finding & building strengths within yourself.

Life events, & past definately have impacted how I interact with the world. It makes me angry to think about it 

I want to make it through. I want to understand boundaries & how they cultivate healthy relationships. I have been scared for a long time to give a voice to my needs.

[StanD]

@tyme @FloatingFeather @hanami & all other members & PSW I'm forgetting, cause my mind is gone today. Sorry.

I was thinking, maybe, if others think it's a good idea?💡 Could we have this thread like the live chats? Maybe, ask good prompting questions & tag others? Have it like ongoing conversation?

I would really like help in understanding boundaries.

When a person, (me - if not everyone on these forums) has had part of themselves stolen by life (I think you know) - Im unable to really be assertive with my boundaries. 

It's like a common story of subconsciously seeking negative situations?

Hope I'm making sense. 

I would like support, ongoing dialogue about reminding me about how to be good to myself.

I think it all comes down to foundation of healthy boundaries & really understanding what that means. 

Eg. at times I feel like I have no boundaries?

Please help🙏💙💜💕 - if you agree it would be good thread.

Thankyou,

@Bow @Appleblossom @EternalFlower @wordman @everyone

and all PSW I forgot to tag.

[Appleblossom]

@StanD I struggle with them, struggled at first to see how they were even good as my focus was on building bridges and not walls between people, but just like walls in a house have a purpose so can ethics or lines or limits on people in our lives can have a purpose.  For people who have been "in care" in childhood, personal boundaries would have been rarely valued or set.  Even which bed, or which room or which house, or family, or mother and father were changing, so I understand why it is not easy. I have been discussing it in an ongoing manner for 7 years.  I actually bought the book in your link a couple years ago ....  Part of me thought it was interesting and gave me some scripts of how to talk and take into my life now, part of me thought it was written from an overprivileged point of view, and I have never wanted to be petty.  I tend not to take things for granted.  Anyway ... I'll drink to ongoing learning ....

[StanD]

Interesting @Appleblossom I appreciate your insights. I think we have similar ideas re: complexities.... Or As you describe, over privileged. These types of learnings make assumptions. They are fantastic tools. So, yes, it is about having resource or guide - each situation is different?....& Can change.. If too fixed in ideals. Confusing. Going to bed. Thankyou. Night.