Living with Ourselves

[Sophia1]

Will be good when you get answers re health @TAB 

We do not really want to know most of the time, then there is no point in going to medical world is there.

Learning to work around whatever is around the corner seems to be life and how we adapt is most important.

Forums along with certain members with whom you relate can certainly help through that change.

Study is opening the mind.

No matter what the subject if you gain something from it that is the best result.

I love learning. Always have.

Have always been a questioner, the majoriity of humans not liking this.

This is how I learn. This is me.

tag me if I forget about tabalugas which is quite on the cards as I only remember threads when tagged these days.

Sophia  😺

[Sophia1]

Hello @Anastasia in the background

I realise that you are also guiding the community and doing a great job.

Hope that you also are handling what life is throwing at you currently.

My family member's situation seems to have taken another turn sadly. 

Nature of the situation.

I never know what I am going to hear or be subjected to during sometimes 20 calls a day.

Was supposed to take him somewhere today; even though I am not allowed to know where until I pick him up.

He cancelled. His delusions turning to full swing again. I am concerned.

At the same time trying to look after myself as I have not been sleeping for so long, I tell myself that I cannot lead his life for him. Just let him know that I am here for him without the a***e.

This works on occasions. At other times I try to come up with something else.  You know the drift.

I believe that your son is back at home and settling. Hoping still heading in that direction.

Hope that you can share some mother son time too.

Take care

Sophia 

[Sophia1]

Hello @Adge 

Have read a little of your latest situation.

Great to see you enjoying the thursday/friday fiasco which just rolled on.

Love that humour.

Dry and spontaneous.

Pleased to hear that you will get to have your second covid injection as well.

I have not had one yet.

I had to have a flu injection first and then wait two weeks. Requirement of entering into a nursing home.

Even though I can only go when I get notice of mum's last hours.

Did get a photograph of her smiling at the big bunch of native flowers that I sent her. Director of nursing in home sent through the photograph and told me that every single staff member visited her room and wished her happy birthday.

Warmed my heart when I heard that.

read about the great deal you found in the shop also. You remind me of my family member always telling me about bargains he has found. Even though he spends far too much on too many bargains and ends up spending more than saving.

Still it makes him feel good temporarily.

Sophia 

💚

[Anastasia]

Thank you dear @Sophia1 🙏💜

[Adge]

Hi @Sophia1 I'm glad that you will be able to visit your Mum.

Not so glad that it will be in her last hours.

No that was not me who is going to get a 2nd Covid Vaccine injection.

My 1st & only Booking for Astra-Zenica Covid Vaccine injection - Was cancelled 24 hours before.

Due to Sudden change in Federal Government Regulations - That now only people 60 + can have it.

Astra-Zenica was the only Vaccine that I was allowed to have, at that time - Being over 50.

My local Medical Centre Only does Astra-Zenica (nothing else).

Pfitzer is in extremely short-supply (severe shortage) in Perth.

In any case, I am not driving 30Km to a designated Clinic (that's how far away they are), to get a Vaccination.

Plus that cancellation was not something I can or wish to accommodate - It totally floored me.

So, until the situation changes - No Vaccination (no 1st Dose) for me.

I don't do Bargain Shopping - I simply get excited when I am able to Replace something I lost.

When I had given up hope of finding another one - eg Sugar Bowl (yesterday), & my only shoes (wearing) having the Soles fall off.

The Sugar has been sitting in a Bowl with no Lid, for about 18 months - I dropped it, & it smashed.

I usually Go Without what I've lost (eg when all my Goldfinches died).

So it's exciting, when I am able to replace lost things - Actually it's exciting when I make the decision to stop Living in Poverty & Lack (state of mind), & give myself the gift of something important (eg Goldfinches).

My Dad was a Bargain Shopper - he wasted so much $$ thinking that he had found such Bargains.

When in fact he had just spent a lot of $$ on unnecessary or unneeded things.

Sorry if too long-winded.

It's just that few people seem to care that I missed out on my Vaccination - I'm not Germ/ Bug-Phobic.

Yet I found that very upsetting.

Best Regards & Kind thoughts.

Adge

[outlander]

@Sophia1 

[Sophia1]

Dear @Adge 

Oh now I am even more confused. I don't remember where I read about the covid injections either.

I have been flitting too and fro across different threads, enjoying the freedom and reconnecting with people.

Sadly I always end up even more confused, lost and worn out.

So I end up back here.

It becomes exhausting replying to all of the supports as I cannot write briefly. It is just not me.

I have become slower and slower at everything nearly. Walking. Gardening. Eating (didn't think that I could possibly be slower than I was - not finishing food end result)

These vaccinations are so confusing and ridiculous that they are not readily available within a reasonable distance for people who  live in rural and or remote areas. Even some suburbs. 

The sugar bowl breaking was possibly speaking to you 😊

(The only way to be noticed is to break!) 

My inner child taking up more of my life these days. Gives me some time out from dreaded depression and exasperating anxiety.

Yes I am not into bargains unless I am actually needing an item. I often wait for end of financial year sales as in now and see what is on offer for what I need.

Does that mean you have bought some more gold finches?

You never have to apologise to me about being long winded.

This is a brief response!

Keep in touch when you can as does become hard when writing to so many.

💚

Sophia loves green hearts for nature as I know you do too 

[Sophia1]

Dear @outlander 

A beautiful, bright, cheerful, heartwarming bunch of flowers.

Thank you so much 

The vase is the same colour as one that I have.

A friend's son was a glassblower and made it as a present for me many many years ago.

Sophia 💜

[Sophia1]

Dear @Emelia8 

My heart goes out to you.

Chronic trauma happens when you do not get over one traumatic episode before the next one occurs.

The mind then becomes on alert, fright flight scenario.

When the next trauma episode occurs this is added to the existing pile.

Ongoing incidents just keep on building the hill, the mountain.

There is no time for the individual event to heal properly.

I find that I startle so easily now for the slightest thing.

I am on constant alert.

Talking to  grief line or life line at times when feeling more hopeless helps me get out of that moment. This then does not add to the mountain. 

Slowly the mountain crumbles.

Mountains do not disappear unless in past eras where oceans have risen.

We trauma survivors learn how to make climbing the mountain less of a drain on our energy.

Some days we cannot go anywhere near the mountain.

Other days we can notice it and stare at it in defiance (mind game)

Then we have times where we can move closer.

Occasionally start to climb.

Now is a time for you to just put that mountain away from your sight. It wont go anywhere.

What you have experienced in your life from the posts that I have read is insurmountable.

Yet I am still connecting with you.

You are still connecting with others.

You are still supporting others and being a friend.

The post that Peri wrote was brave and might come across as too harsh to someone who has not experienced domestic abuse, abuse of any kind. No need for me to write more about that.

I believe that Peri was wanting you to try to slowly look at your life now, today, only from a different perspective.

We cannot do anything about our past. We cannot change the future.

We can train our mind to think about the present moment.

This is not easy.

The first time you do this if you are self aware and I know that you are, you will sense something.

That something is change.

Change brings about movement in the mind.

Movement in the mind helps us to continue on in a different time and different space.

Our loved ones and memories will always be with us.

We are not betraying our loved ones in any way.

In fact those loved ones who truly care want this for us.

I hope that this is not upsetting for you in any way.

I do want you to allow yourself to cry though.

talking to those helplines at moments where you  cannot get past the pain or the feelings become all too much, will temporarily give you a rest. I have rung at odd hours of the morning when cannot sleep and stop the thoughts. I have said I dont want to talk about anything that is going on in my life I want to get away from my thoughts. The person softly responds and helps me for the immediate time and then I try to sleep.

You are a very brave lady and even though you might not realise yet, you are already helping yourself.

I also realise that you already know all of what I have written.

Yet those of us who empathise, care and are sensitive forget to put these things in place for ourselves when we are so busy still helping others despite our situations.

Hug yourself, hug Holly. Hug your pillow and breathe.

Sending you much love

Sophia ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎

[Adge]

Hi @Sophia1 I get totally confused navigating forum (which Thread was it?) etc, you're not alone there.

Plus Dyslexia combined with Dissociation - Makes typing/ writing very challenging (almost impossible when tired).

I've spent 20 minutes sometimes at keyboard, struggling to express a few lines - not even one paragraph.

I wrote in Support/ reassuring another Forum Member - That they would still be able to get their 2nd Astra-Zenica Covid Vaccine injection.

When I was the one who (due to change in Government Regulation) who's 1st Vaccination was cancelled - Now not receiving any Vaccination.

So that's where you perhaps became confused - & thought I was that other Forum member.

The excitement about the Goldfinches was because I had none left - my last Goldfinch died 6 months ago.

I was unable to buy any new/ replacement Goldfinches, because they are trucked in interstate from Victoria - The borders had been closed, or no shipments of Goldfinches were allowed into WA for the past 18 months.

So no Goldfinches available in WA, because no-one seems to breed Goldfinches here - They're all brought in from interstate.

Suddenly I could buy some new Goldfinches (last Sunday).....

Maybe Sugar Bowl was talking to me - I did not get/ didn't understand the message.

When the Soles fell off my shoes (Friday afternoon), I did understand what the shoes were saying - So I went & bought new shoes.

Otherwise I would have been running around Barefoot (too cold for that)....

Adge