Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

I have OCD and it's bothering me a lot lately. I've realised how much I control my environment to keep me feeling safe and ultimately how much I'm missing out on.  Two things are causing me anxiety at the moment....I have people coming around tomorrow to my house and I don't want them to come because they will make my house dirty.

The other thing is...I have been told to go on a work trip and I have to travel alone and it's actually a fun trip but the anxiety about going makes it feel like it's not worth going.  I obsess about everything. What to do!? Any one else have these problems?

[Change123]

Hi @Former-Member

I guess I dont suffer as much from OCD but is part of my BPD traits.

My mother who was part of my abuse as a child in my later years would always come around to our house that  needs renovations and make terrible comments on our house.  Yes its a mess but we made the choice of getting it paid out from an inheritance rather than spending the money on renovations so its our house now.  As my mother is a total narcassist instead of saying what a good financial move that was would keep rubbishing our house.  This drove my OCD to apoint where I MUST clean the house spotless before she comes over and if my partner slowed me down or stopped me I would cause the biggest argument - it was really ridiculous looking back now.  I guess I broke out of that by my partner occassionaly planning without me knowing he would not let me clean the house and would say to me "if your mother doesnt want to come around here to see her own daughter because the house is messy what sort of mother is she?" he had done this enough times to me that eventually I didnt always clean and now if people come over for  bbq I might clean a little but I wait till all the mess is made and clean up after.  

I guess for you you have to think, so what if the house gets dirty, you can clean up after if you must or you could even have it outside if and in the future slowly let one person come at a time and try not to clean till the next day.  Usually the best way to beat it is exposure and making yourself realise that nothing bad will come from this.

Inregards to travelling, well I had to do the same thing and I was terrified, absolutely terrified.  I was just going interstate but I would come up with all sorts of reasons why I should be stressing from the plane crashing to not being able to find my way around and getting lost in airports etc.  I had to do this about 10 times for work and in different states but by about the 5th time I was feeling a lot better and in the end I was really happy with myself for achieving this.

With work you will be fine and it will give you some confidence when you achieve this.

[Former-Member]

Thank you. It's nice to hear someone else has had similar struggles and come through it. 

[Lunar]

Hi there @Former-Member

Welcome to the forums 🙂

That must be really exhausting constantly worrying about those things, it's great though that you have that insight to see how obsessing and wanting control over everything is possibly not helping in making you feel calm and less anxious.

Some people find it really helpful to write lists and plan out the day but ticking one thing off at a time that is achievable so you feel that you have control over things which makes you feel more calm. Do you wirte daily lists at all? It can also be helpful to be do some grounding things which can disrupt the ruminating though process, like putting music on, reading, exercising, etc do you try to do those things daily?

Lunar 🙂

[Jayne1]

I have OCD severely I am a "checker" I literally cannot go to sleep without making sure my alarms are set because I will be late if they don't go off or checking my every appliance in the house because I am scared the house will burn down and checking the door in case we get broken into. I have to do my mental ritual which is to count numbers up to five whilst touching the switches or knobs on appliances and to 8 when I check the door handles. You are not alone

[Former-Member]

Hi Lunar

Yes lists are helpfull becasue I can see what is going to get done when. I have done that this week and its been better. Its really hard to be at home becasue I just cant relax.

[Former-Member]

Hi Jayne1

I used to be a checker but have moved on from that unless I am going away for a night or something and then its really hard to leave the house. Its tiring isn't it? I check my alarm a lot too, makes getting to bed a long process at times.
when i am at home even if I am in front of the tv i am always thinking about and looking at all the parts of my home that seem to be not clean enough. Its never ending!

[Eden1919]

Hi i have severe OCD and at its worst it has taken up 20 hours of my day each day. but enough about me. i am sorry you feel you have missed out on things because of your OCD and i hope the people coming over was not too stressful for you. i find i have to take things one step at a time with my OCD. anyway i hope things go well for you.