Lived Experience Forum

[PeppyPatti]

Hey y'all..... I was a very present 🎁 person a few years ago but faded for a few years and now I'm back because I realised I need more support. A few remember me hopefully - @Appleblossom  @Shaz51  

 

I actually have a question to ask 🍎 darling Apple blossom but I digress. 

Iv been sorting out my relationship with my Mum for many years and been in Psychotherapy for many years .... to work through her narcissism and borderline attacks are not my fault. 

But, she at 82 years old is still verbally  dissing me behind my back.  I am seen as a bad person by her friends.

I choose to still have her in my life. My poor abused brothers are living on other states in Australia and I'm slowly very slowly getting closer to them. My youngest son hasn't spoken to me for 3 years because ( my therapist says ) of her behaviour. 

Can I have a lending ear or a comment how can I answer her in these verbal attacks on me. How does an 82 yr old woman have this audience ?? 

[outlander]

hello @PeppyPatti i also remember you 🙂

im glad your reaching out for more support.

I am in a similar boat to be honest so can empathise with you. the person i care for is often turning people against me with the things he says but not many want to hear or accept the truth when i try and tell them things.

i guess we find ways to move forward in other areas of life and find people that matter who dont believe the lies.

[PeppyPatti]

Yes @outlander 

I find it exhausting. Here I am 56yrs old ...... People can be so passive.

I think I should get an imaginary award for breaking the pattern with my two sons..... A therapist told me this when I was seeing a wonderful therapist to try and keep my last marriage together with Mr intelligent 🤓 cool man but his mental health got too dangerous. 

That was nice. 

@outlander 

mum diagnosed narscassistic, bpd 

@Appleblossom 

mum diagnosed narscassistic, bpd 

@Shaz51 

[outlander]

it is definently having to deal with a narcissist that's for sure. its gets overwhelming and exhausting @PeppyPatti

[Shaz51]

will always remember you my sister @PeppyPatti 

Hugs @outlander , @PeppyPatti ❤️

similar situation with my aunty , I cant trust her anymore 

people thinks she is wonderful until they have to find out for themselves how she really is 

[SkySeeker22]

Welcome back @PeppyPatti 

This sounds like a really hard situation that you are dealing with with your mum.  I know that it is hard to hear those things she says about you, but in her case being a narcissist, her words are probably more about her getting the control and power over people and the situation rather than actually being about you.

When these things come out, try and remind yourself of the type of person you are, and that you know that the things she has said are not true.  The truth has a way of showing itself in the end.

Stay strong

Warm regards

SkySeeker22

[Appleblossom]

@PeppyPatti 

So good to see more of you 

Not sure what to do with mothers like that.

Work on shielding yourself… don’t take it personally.

its hard to even know how much choice we actually have.

Hope the op goes well 

you do what you have to do.

my brain is a bit past it atm.

[PeppyPatti]

How are you dealing with it @Shaz51 @ ? 

 

[Jasper_123]

Hi @PeppyPatti (great name!) 

It's so hard to deal with a narc but the first step is to recognise it which you've done! I think it's important to stay grounded in yourself and remind yourself that bad mouthing is how people like your mother feel like they have the power. You are in charge of how much you see your mother and how you respond to her. 

[PeppyPatti]

Hi @Jasper_123 

@Appleblossom 

@SkySeeker22 

@Shaz51 

@outlander 

Apologies who iv forgotten. Iv been in Psychotherapy for many years. My Psychotherapist and I discuss who she's studying ATM. This man called Kevin Read and he speaks about you arriving to realisations when your ready to. 

For me this has happened. I ' arrived ' earlier last year. Mum, she was going on a reign of bitchy terror on me....speaking words, lies about me to her friends who are her enablers, to my 3 brothers, even to my partner. . So I wrote an openhearted and loving letter on her to say the past is over, I don't care about but 3 things she has done to me took me a while for me to get over. 

The Dramas ! So I arrived. I got it. It wasn't my fault. All the years of crying in bed, my poor abused 3 brothers trying to cling onto any love she expressed to them meant they were privy to her behaviour about me. The times ( twice ) I was put in psychiatric hospitals, it was not my fault. 

And today, she is still saying very aggressive words about me to people close to me. 

It's not my fault. Iv escaped the ( Jewish by blood )  borderline narcissistic women from my past that have been what women were like for at least the last 3 generations - before me by entering Psychotherapy when I was 24 years old 

These are my teddy bears I have on my bed. They are all second hand from a baby's second hand clothes store.