Lived Experience Forum

[Prayne]

I have been diagnosed with Dissociative identity disorder in the last 2 years. My diagnosis was a result of my mothers death and my teenage daughter revealing her 10 years sexual abuse by a family member. I sought help for depression and got a diagnosis. Not being able to hold down employment has limited my mental health issues to the public health system and I feel at a loss, finding it all very confusing and wrapped in red tape. Organizations with all good intentions but not enough funding, time or resources.

[Lunar]

Hello @Prayne,

A very warm welcome to the forums from myself, I hope you find the forums helpful and supportive 🙂

Thank you for sharing your story, it sounds like you have gone through some extremely tough times but still looking for other ways of gaining support, it can be really challenging to do this especially if you have holding down employment and finances are an issue, I'm sorry you havn't had much luck but that's really strong of you to come onto the forums and share with others.

What kind of services are you linked in with at the moment, are you seeing a counsellor or psychologist at all?

Lunar

[Former-Member]

Welcome to the forums @Prayne, so sad to hear the terrible trauma you've been through, you and your daughter (how old is she?). My girl was interfered with to and its the most horrific disempowering thing yo come to terms with. Such a mixture of emotions its messes with the head (especially on my case when called to provide 'physical' evidence - idiot court system. But its no wonder you've shut out parts of yourself (DID diagnosis). Getting 'real' help for MH in the public is a joke, I know. Frankly they seem to try to operate like an A&E unit - but it just doesn't work for mental health. This GP referral to Psychologist (max 10 visits a year) seems to be the 'be-all-end-all' solution for everybody who's not under the ongoing care of a Mental Health team (case manager, psychiatrist, CTO - community treatment order...), which seems to be reserved for those with psychosis & discharge followup after what I still prefer to call 'breakdown'

However, there are a lot more resources for cPTSD which is closely linked to symptoms of DID so perhaps you could research down that path and maybe find groups or online support like this etc. 

What has helped me a lot is MINDFULNESS MEDITATION, SELF-COMPASSION THERAPY AND ACT THERAY.

if not already doing a meditation, you could benefit from daily doing one  of the relaxation exercises found under resources on this website:

www.camapsychology.com

I look forward to getting to know you. Keep poking around and contributing here in the forums, takes a bit to get use to but we've all been there - make some friends. Search DID or multiple personality and you'll find a few threads to read and perhaps link in with others. If you put @ before a contributers profile name, your post will go to their private email and they're more likely to find your post. Be kind to yourself 🙂 

All the best. xox

[Prayne]

Thanks Tawney,
My daughter believes about the age of 4 when the abuse started and she was 14 when she told me. It was my sisters son and he was 6 yrs older so he can only be accountable for his adult yrs. Being sexually abused myself I didn't take it well and have let in consume me.

[Prayne]

Thanks Lunar,
Yes I am finding it hard to keep down employment due to my anxiety and so on. I'm currently in the process of applying for the ndis and new start (centrelink ). I did have a psychologist for a period of 12 months, which was over 12 months ago and no longer see anyone. I have found it extremely difficult to find support or any ongoing support. I have managed to totally isolate myself from everyone even my 2 children. One week there I made over 150 phone calls to different services and only got 2 replies.... and I just feel like I'm whinging all the time and getting nowhere.

[Former-Member]

@Prayne, this must be so hard for you both, especially being family offender. My offender was family too he was never held  accountable. 

Have you tried the camapsychology website meditations? They will help reduce the anxiety & internal stress. You need to be the best you you can be - for your girl and for yourself.

Your history indicates to me that you already suffer a degree of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (cPTSD), You may even be in shock at the moment. Give yourself time. This is you're flesh and blood this has happened to, your previous daughter - and therefore a major 'trigger' in resurfacing / reliving your own suppressed emotions from past trauma. You're copping a double wammy so please BE KIND TO YOURSELF and to your daughter, she may feel responsible for how you feel.

Find supports, every positive encounter helps. You don't have to do this alone. PERSIST with gathering your SUPPORT SYSTEM

- put the psychologist back on the list (maybe find a new one who specialises in trauma),

- ring lifeline whenever you need to

- keep in touch here on the forums

- make yourself have coffee with family & friends,

- ring someone every week, stay in touch, even if you just talk about the weather. Isolation makes everything worse - being 'proactive' is better.

I know how hard this is, I still have to force myself out the house. I remember the disappointment - once i started sharing my problems - people switch off and stay away (this was my mistake - think it frightens them). So i try stay 'general' about this stuff with most people - save the details for counselling sessions and my journal. JOURNALLING at the end of the day helps settle my mind for rest - start with a quick list and expand, as time permits. Just listing in point form the things that are troubling me helps a lot surprisingly. Maybe they just need to be acknowledged.

I've been where you are and forgot to protect myself - not only from the external stone walls when begging for support  (triggering suppressed abandonment issues = more pain, more stress). We have to find ways to better manage stress so we can keep going, stop it buildinh up to unbearable levels then getting swamped when the dam bursts - a tsunami of disproportionate intense emotions from out of nowhere. When that happens i cant think properly to help myself it seems, like the brain shuts down our problem solving / coping capacity. We simply must keep the stress levels down. Walking, mindfulness meditations & 'Grounding' TaiChi, therapy, your fav hobbies - gardening, sewing etc. Every little bit counts. Engage in activities that 'feed your soul' (leaves you feeling a little energised) - things you like doing that we so easily forget when we need them most. 

It would be good to find specialised counselling for your daughter.

Oh this is so hard, i feel for you.

I have to go but hope I've made some sense.

A couple of saneforum tips:
- if you put @ before a profile name, like @Former-Member - your post will go to personal email accounts - otherwise it can be missed. 
- You can email experienced counsellors employed by SANE - maybe talk with them about services available etc See contact details on homepage.

I'm gonna tag a couple others that might come onboard to help you. Keep at it, you're doing well xox
@Appleblossom, @Former-Member, @BlueBay, @Former-Member, @utopi, @Phoenix_Rising, @Former-Member

[Lunar]

Hi there @Prayne

That sounds incredibly difficult, I am so sorry you have not had any luck finding any ongoing help.

It's great that you have started the process of applying for the NDIS and and Centrelink, that a lone can be a stressful thing to look into but worth it in the long run for that financial help.

Making that many phone calls and only getting 2 back sounds completely exhausting and unmotivating, it shouldn't be that way for  you I can only imagine the frustration involved in that.

You could also gain the help from your GP in finding another psychologist for that support as well as emailing and calling these two organisations (I am sorry if you have already tried but just keep trying of you can) -

NEAMI

http://www.neaminational.org.au/

WELLWAYS

https://www.wellways.org/

Again, I can hear how tiresome you are of this process of getting support and whinging all the time and how unmotivating that is but try to hang in there, support will come. In the mean time it might be helpful to really focus on doing some things which make you feel relaxed, such as your self-care, do you have things that allow you to feel more calm and then more able to approach these things? Things like reading, walking, cups of teas, etc?

Lunar

[utopia]

Hi @Prayne. I'm sorry that you and your daughter both experienced abuse. Neither of you deserved for that to happen.
Please have a look around the forum. There are many threads (topics) that you may like to read and possibly join in the conversation.
We have social threads just for general chit chat - a great way to meet new people.
There are also threads dedicated to particular issues - where you may find information that helps you, or where you have some knowledge that might help others.
Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to post part of your story here. That takes a lot of strength.

[Prayne]

@Lunar thanks for the links, I haven't tryed these org yet so I'll give it a go. I have found some strengths in gardening and taking my rescue dog for a walk, my mother was an artist so I find myself creating which keeps me connected to her. It's the bad days that scare me I'm not always in control of my actions or lack of, I tend to freeze incapable of the everyday living.

[Former-Member]

Hi @NikNik, could you please have my post from yesterday restored? It appears the attending moderator misread the word meditation to mean medication. I don't have a copy of it to edit to appease anyway. Thanks, because it was from the heart and I think helpful and within guidelines anyway. Thank you.