Lived Experience Forum

[Bast]

Hi all wonderful and aware people

I am again writing to you with a major request for support. I am so sad and anxious and trying to hold myself together although it is like living every single horrid day over and over. I think it might just be likened to groundhog day whilst being drowned and having pins stuck in your eyes. 

Some of you may recall my delightful experiences of work bullying - and before you even think it - don't even try for justice regarding 18 months of never ending torture and exacerbation of depression. However I hung in there - why is a great question - it's called a husband with a $20.00 grand credit card debt and no employment. What did it do to me - very unpleasant things and a lot of time in hospital and acute MH. I do sometimes regret that I was rescued and it was so close.

Now I have the next round to contend with. I have been sent off for an IME Psychiatrist review because I had the audacity to cry as a human being at work. I was directed to attend a client situation that was extremely difficult, floridly psychotic and covered in his own faeces. The person had presented on 10 occassions for help - and been labeled as faking it, trying to avoid a court case and mathologising. Anyway I sorted it professionally - the person has been in acure MH for over 3 months.

And now for the fun 

On the following day - I was accused by the T/L of always "being like that with MH clients" what the?, not coping and informed that I must meet with HR to discuss my MH incapacity.

I am certain that everyone has experienced disrimination in the workplace - however this is public health!!!! 

From there I was yelled at and further harassed - ultimately because I cried as a human for the dreadful things that had happened - no person centred care, no social justice, no rights.

It was just so wonderful to note that my work had been exemplfied and the report I completed had ensured appropriate admission. 

BONUS for me - punitive measures

I am sent to the IME with protestations, my mood has been better for a longer period than usual, nasty stuff rapid mood decay. And....It just gets better I am allocated 9 new referrals in 7 days - not bad for a person who is questionably :incompetant" and/or insane. I finally succumb to the stress and yes start crying regularly again, I know my relapse syptoms far too closely. I simply cannot be there any more. The anxiety I experience at the thought is utterly overiding, I cannot pretend amy more that I am fine and dandy, although I have done my best. I have somehow "faked it" throughout the entire period form January 12th, 2017, far too long for my self care to hold on. 

It is now April 18th 2017 and I effectively surrender, I will self care as of right now. To endeavour to battle an organisation that is a behemoth inherently and to further attempt to contend with the ultimate in Narcissistic Managers is futile. I know I am right regarding the disrimination, bullying and harrassment that I have been REPEATEDLY subjected to, however no more for me. 

I will find alternative employment as soon as able, they can essentially stick the job up the proverbial, at least as I know that I am am being 'pushed' it is my decision. This is for my health my wellbeing and my potential future.

I will self care 

Regards and thank you Bast

[Lunar]

Hi there @Bast,

You have gone through so much lately and I am so sorry you were treated that way by your work, it sounds like you were treated very unfairly and have since made the decision to leave your work which I can only imagine was an extremely difficult thing to go through, I hope you are getting lots of much needed support right now?

It seems like now is a big adjustment for you and you are feeling quite sad and anxious in coping with it all, do you feel as though looking after yourself is your main priority right now? I really hope so, you deserve it, we are here for you,

Lunar

[Bast]

Hi Lunar

Many thanks for your kindness and supportive words. I am also gladdened to recieve your reinforcing thoughts regarding self care. I will endeavour to do so as you are right I am so sad and anxious and troubled. 

The self care certainly requires attention as I have reached a very nasty point where I simply don't care anymore about anything. Perhaps a whopping great case of anhedonia is the cause. I feel so utterly depleated and so lost in myself. 

I have fought for too long to prevent another episode, it's pretty standard for me to deny how terrible I can feel and to completely disregard it and continue to fight on - fabulously pretending I am fine and dandy.

Perhaps I do need a little insight right now. And make a few allowances.

Regards and thank you

Bast

[utopia]

Hi @Bast. I'm sorry to hear about the rediculous and cruel comments from your workplace.
I wish these 'narcissistic management' would be held accountable.
Self Care. Is the most important thing for you to focus on right now. Your health is more important than anything else.
I do hope you can move on and things improve for you.

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Bast

Am I getting it right? You helped a seriously mentally ill person professionally as in your duty statement, and referred them for admission, but because you were seen to shed tears your "competence" is challenged.

Its a travesty.

Sorry you had to deal with this.

Good Luck with self care and job seeking. Maybe one day they will ask themselves why all the good ones leave/

Take care

[Change123]

Hi @Bast

I totally understand where you are coming from and what you have endured, I'm the same and I'm actually the HR manager but they think I'm too nice, too efficient and over proffesional - these are my bad points according to them??????

Anyway I'm enduring at the moment till something better comes along, unfortunately in SA not many jobs available especially near where I live.

I dont know if you want fight this but if I understood your story correctly you are feeling pushed into resigning because of the treatment you are getting - if this is correct its actually called "constructive dismissal"and its not ok and can be brought up in unfair dismissals.

Look its up to you I know when we feel like this its just another battle we dont need so its up to you.  If you are staying there until you find something else I would keep a diary and note everything with date and time so if you decide to take any action you have some sort of evidence.

Its funny they talk about a world of no discrimmination etc in HR, what a load of bullshit - I see it all the time and have in other positions as well.  Managers just find ways around it.

Good luck!