Lived Experience Forum

[Emelia8]

Thanks everyone, and my apologies for lack of response of late.

@NatureLover @Appleblossom @Eve7 @Sophia1 @BlueBay @Bow @Snowie @FloatingFeather @outlander @TAB @Owlunar @Clawde 

I'm okay I guess ... just very down.

Not even sure why, as I feel I should be much better than I am. 

I have finally been given clearance to drive again.  Which, after 10 weeks of not being able to, is great.  I have a little bit of independence again.  Able to get out and look for a home again.  My pain levels are much reduced now too, which is a great relief. Surgical wounds still give me some grief on occasion, but on the whole are pretty good. Using some of that supposedly magic BioOil on my massive scars to try to reduce the unsightliness of them.  But there again, nobody sees them except me, so who cares?

I needed to have a bone density scan yesterday, which my oncologist ordered.  My previous xray for my surgeon in December showed some bone deterioration which could adversely affect the healing of the bone grafts in my spinal fusion.  As I had feared, the cancer treatment I have had to undergo, and am still going through (radiation therapy 2 years ago, and ongoing medication), may come back to bite me in other areas.  I'm just hoping that the bone scans don't show too much deterioration in the past 2 years.  The good thing is that I started at a very high benchmark. But unfortunately radiation has a very adverse affect on bones, as does the medication I need to be on, in an attempt to keep the cancer from returning.  So that is all weighing heavily on me right now.  

I am due for new xrays to check my spinal fusion in a couple of weeks time. It should be showing good signs of fusion (healing) by then.  It is almost 3 months now since my operations, and bone grafts usually heal by that stage, fully healed by 6 months.

Even though I am now permitted to drive, I am still not doing much.  I have looked at a couple of houses.  Still getting groceries delivered though. But now school is back, I may venture out and do an occasional live shop.  Will see how I go. My surgeon has approved for me to commence an outpatient day rehab program at my local hospital.  I started last week.  It is 3 hours twice a week and is under the care of a post surgery spinal rehab specialist, physiotherapist and exercise physiologist.  Consists of specific gym exercises and hydrotherapy devised specifically for me.  Something to get me out of the house I guess. Because other than that, I basically do nothing.  Not much of an existence really.  

I am eating okay now, but haven't yet gained any weight.  Trying to eat plenty of red meat and leafy greens to boost my iron levels.  The blood loss during my surgery and resulting severe anaemia is still having an affect on my health.  So I am taking an iron supplement to try to get it back up to an acceptable level.  But I am still getting quite dizzy and weak.  I guess it will take time.

In two days time it will be a year since I had to put my sweet little Holly to sleep.  Such a difficult day that was.  I miss her so much, every single day.  She was my baby.  I still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, and feel for her, wondering why she isn't beside me. Then remember ... and cry.  The sooner I find a new home, and am able to find a new puppy to adopt, the better for me I think.  I need that.

[TAB]

Holly is in a better place @Emelia8  and looking down at you smiling. She only wants the best for you and she is okay 😊

[Owlunar]

@Emelia8 

Hi Em - life isn't easy for you at all is it - I am really glad you are able to share in this forum - I'm just sorry I haven't been able to follow much for the last months because of my own health - still - I have read this post to catch up a bit.

It's really good that you have your driver's licence back - it will take time to get used to the traffic again. Sometimes it's tricky - I used taxi quite a bit and I did think for a while to go for my licence again - since I injured my shoulder so badly it's probably good that I didn't. I'm glad you have though - it will make a difference to your life.

Having cancer and a spinal fusion so close together has to have been a huge challenge. And now the radiation could be affecting your bone density! Oh man - that is so tough. I really hope this works out with the least amount of trauma. Perhaps it's a good thing that we cannot ever really know what's next.

My daughter had her spinal fusion last year - two levels - she's driving again but not much - she has had other issues in her hip and it's not straight forward. She will be seeing a pain specialist - soon I hope - at the same clinic I attend but not the same doctor - which is a good idea. Spinal fusion is a huge thing - I'm glad I never had one though that operation wasn't available when I first started having trouble - now it's too late. It's okay though - for the time being. 

Looking for another home is interesting and I bet you have seen some places who are - ah - not pleased with. I hope you find somewhere soon and it will be easier when I can drive. All the best with that.

It will take time to recover from all of that especially with anaemia - that's a challenge too - you are right to eat red meat and dark, green leafies - I eat red meat - medium rare - and take vitamin B Complex - the specialist used my blood for the platelet rich plasma injections I have into my shoulder. That's not a fun way to pass the time but it seems to be working. I didn't get a good run at having the injections regularly during our Melbourne lockdown odyssey - which was some kind of world record - and not was no great honour.

It's a year since Holly went to sleep - I do remember that. It does hurt to put our pets down - but necessary. I had to leave my cat at the vet at the end of 2018 and I still miss her - well - she didn't have to suffer. I can't replace her though - I couldn't manage a pet now - this shoulder is too much of a disability. I am really glad you are planning on a new puppy - that will be a lift for you.

I just got an email that my shopping is about to be delivered - that's really good - I am looking forward to having a couple of crumpets - I started to run out of some supplies yesterday - I have been doing my groceries on line too though I have been to the supermarket for stuff I can't get online a couple of times. I'm not anxious to be in a crowd though - like you - I am vulnerable

All the best Em

Lots of love

Owlunar

[BlueBay]

sending loving hugs and strength @Emelia8 

xxxx

[Bow]

So glad to read that you have been cleared to drive again, can imagine the relief that would bring, getting your independence back. I am not at all surprised that you aren’t really going out much, take your time dear friend, it has been a huge few months…. Years even. So much loss for you. I really do hope that you find the perfect little place to call home very soon and that the perfect little furbaby comes into your life- one that needs your love just as much as you need it’s, one that will bring about deep healing for you ❤️ (I shared last year that I got a new kitten, I wanted it for my mental health. I already had a cat, but he had no affectionate bone in his body.  But my new cat doesn’t have much either! I think he was terrorised by my dear daughter and adored our dog more than anything else! He now spends his days hiding under my bed, he does come out for a pat and I can maybe see that he will grow on us, but I am so very sad that I haven’t got the smoocher that I so desperately wanted and need. My other old cat disappeared just before Christmas. He use to come and go outside and just never came back one night. I scroll gumtree every now and then being tempted to get another cat, but pets can be really costly and maybe it’s more sensible to have just one cat- don’t know why I just rambled on about that, but just know I share your love… and need of having a furbaby 💕)

Hoping your medical tests all come back good too @Emelia8 

[Appleblossom]

@Emelia8 

Really glad to read a substantial post from you.  Noticed you flitting around the edges of the forum and love that too.  You are doing all the right things and it has been one hell of a ride these last few years.  You feel as well as you feel.  There is no need to be better than you actually are. Hearing you about the slog with physio.  Glad you have it, but it can be hard work, and take longer than many time estimations around so called "healing".

Glad the licence is back and you are able to start looking for a place.  That can be both exciting and draining so take care with it all.

Hugs for Holly.  Ahhh our furbabies. Its been a while since my cats passed and I am happy with other people's dogs at the moment.

[Snowie]

@Emelia8 thanks for the update hon. I am glad things are falling into place and recovery is going ok. It is a very long road but you are getting there.

Holly would be smiling down on you, she is still in your heart 💗

[Shaz51]

Hugs @Emelia8 

Thank you for the update and hope the improvements will get better throughout this years xoxo 

[Sophia1]

Dear @Emelia8 

Thank you for adding me to the list of names..

You have achieved much...

You also have your licence back which I know was affecting you so that must be a huge relief..

You are free......

rehabilitation sounds good also..

house hunting...

you are very busy..

You are probably very tired which gets muddled up in the feeling down..

Exhaustion...

Also still in recovery mode...

Yes you also have some grief still which does come and go..

Even though we know all of this it does not make it easier..

I feel for you and an anniversary of Holly on the horizon ....let the emotions come Emelia as hard as they are...

you are not losing her in letting go..

she is always with you..

sending you love

Sophia1

[NatureLover]

@Emelia8  Sorry to hear you are so very down 😞

So pleased to hear your pain levels have finally reduced after years of intense pain! Also that you can drive again 🙂

You didn't mention how you are sleeping at the moment? I'm hoping the reduction in pain has led to better sleep...

When do you get the bone density scan results? 

Hoping you feel brighter soon... 🤞 💜