Lived Experience Forum

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @pip and @BlueBay
Do you think that talking to your abusers might be appropriate with your therapist watching ? I've got this idea that while the therapist is your ' backup,' you tell him what you think of him ??

[BlueBay]

@PeppiPatty
No way never. I never want these guys ever ever again. No. I hate them so much. They took my childhood and innocence away. No.

[Shimmer]

Hi @PeppiPatty

How are you? 

Sometimes people do this through imagery with their therapists, it can be very powerful!

[pip]

Hi @PeppiPatty. I actually did abuse my abuser through therapy years ago. It was difficult but the freedom I felt after was so worth it. For sadgirl to do that, it would take a lot of power which (at the moment) she has not got. Her anger is such that dealing with it is enough. Perhaps once she has confronted her anger and accepted she can't change what happened, she may then be better prepared to 'face' her abuser and take back the power that was taken from her. Small steps in therapy is necessary for healing.

[Shimmer]

A very strong reaction @BlueBay. It's good that you know yourself and can make that choice to never see them again. As we know, people recover in different ways, and it sounds like for you, making that decision is a powerful way to move on with your life.

[Appleblossom]

Sometimes "empty chair" work can help release some of the anger at a past abuser ..  abusing the therapist is never going to help .. and makes their job tougher.  But using the technique of imagining the abuse in the chair ... and being safe and supported by therapist we are able to re-author our story.  

W may depth and learn to form an inner shield and maybe a mental way to "contain" the past abuse .. not clinging to it .. letting it go .. but when we remember it we have processed it in a way that we have regained the power that was taken by the initial experience.

[pip]

Hi @Lostboy. Dissociation is the mind's way of blocking our memory to stop the pain from the memory. Either way it hurts because the pain and memory still exists. Dissociation or ignoring simply means we're not ready to acknowledge how we feel. Once you acknowledge pain, sadness, grief, and why you feel it, you start healing. Acknowledging is painful, healing is painful, but it's different pain. Acknowledging is allowing the painful memory in, healing is learning to let go of the pain from the memory. I have learnt through therapy to 'store' painful memories in boxes in my brain. Now and again I release those memories to remind myself why I distanced myself from those who hurt me. Now the people who hurt me don't exist, because I stopped them. They are still alive - yes, they simply ceased to exist in my life. Reminding myself these people still exist, doesn't hurt because I've healed.

[BlueBay]

I'm too scared @pip to try to "talk" to my abusers.
@PeppiPatty I didn't mean to sound so harsh. I know you only gave a suggestion I'm sorry if I came across too strong. Thanks for your suggestion.

[BlueBay]

@Shimmer I never want to see the abusers again. Ever. They have damaged me my trust and my faith that I will recover. I'm sobbing and trying very hard to type this.
When someone you trust takes that away and dies the most horrible things to s little girl I can never forget.
It hurts so much the pain is too raw. My heart aches for the little girl in me. 😥

[BlueBay]

@Shimmer - there were three abusers. Abused st different times by these disgusting creeps from the age of 9-12. 😥😥