Looking after ourselves
@BlueBay First and foremost, I would reccommend that you find out whether or not the therapist is prepared to offer you the precise services you require. So you need to know: "What do I need the therapist to do for me?" and then make sure they are prepared to do those things for you.
Secondly, but arguably much more importantly, never ignore any red flags. If a therapist says something to you that makes you think: "that's horrible!" and makes you really uneasy about your future course being charted out by a person with such atrocious values/beliefs, start looking for a way out immediately!
Thirdly, make sure your therapist is actually accomplishing something. As time progresses, you should actually start to see some improvements in your life, even if it's only on a step-by-step sort of basis. Or at the very least, you should find your therapist introducing elements into your life that makes you feel: "I may not be where I need to be just yet, but we're on the right track!" If you've been with your therapist for a while (I would say 3 months, max), and you feel like you aren't even on-track for a better life then when you started, then I would say it's time to start looking for a way out.
Beyond that, I don't have much advice for spotting a good therapist, as I've never actually had one myself. My personal expertise is in spotting the really crap ones.
TBH, I've always found that the best therapists are the people who aren't actually therapists by trade; just good mates willing to lend a hand.
Hi @BlueBay
I just wanted to reach out and offer you some support 
That’s such a great question and it’s definitely one that I’ve asked myself many times over the years 
As I read through your experience, I can really appreciate why you feel confused and have some reservations about whether or not to continue to attend appointments with your current Therapist.
One of the things that’s really important for me, is being able to develop a strong therapeutic relationship. Without this, I really struggle to allow myself to be vulnerable and talk about the issues that are causing me distress. However, having said that, it can be really difficult to get a sense of the type of relationship that you can have with someone when you’ve only just met them, as relationships take time to develop and it’s an ongoing process! Therefore, one of the questions that I ask myself after I’ve met with a Therapist, is: could this Therapist be someone that in time, I could see myself feeling safe and comfortable with?
I’ve also found it really helpful to take some time to think about what happens for me emotionally when I leave the therapy room and explore how my Therapist may be able to support me in relation to these issues. For example, I often find myself in a state of crisis and in need of some additional support in between my appointments. Therefore, one of the questions that I asked my current Therapist was if they were able to provide any support to me outside of our scheduled appointments and if they were, what would this look like? For example, could I contact them via email? Did they have any capacity to talk with me on the telephone or schedule an emergency appointment and would they charge a fee?
One of the other things that’s also really important for me is boundaries and as such, I observe how my Therapist addresses issues in relation to these. For example, are they punctual, do we finish our appointment at the agreed time, do they respect my personal space and are our conversations professional whereby my Therapist ensures that the focus remains on me and my needs.
With that being said, I just ever so gently wanted to say that I felt really concerned when you shared ‘a lot of it was about God and how he found God to help him with his trauma and depression and he told me he is on my journey with me to help me find me.’ Although there are times when Therapists do self disclose, this is always done after careful consideration and only when disclosure is in the other person’s best interest and it’s relevant to the therapeutic process. However, even then, it’s something that’s done with caution and the upmost care, sensitivity and respect. As such, this particular interaction has raised some concerns for me in relation to his professional boundaries
It's also important for me, that the Therapist that I’m seeing has the necessary qualifications, skills and experience to support me with the issues that I’m seeking their support with. As such, there have been times when I’ve arranged a brief telephone appointment with the Therapist that I’m interested in seeing, to get a better sense of this, which I’ve always found really helpful.
I also really value specific personal qualities and as such, the right Therapist for me is someone who is human, patient, gentle, warm, empathic and takes the time to understand me, my needs and my goals and how specific experiences in my life have contributed to the person that I am today and how I see the world.
Furthermore, it’s important for me that my Therapist takes responsibility for guiding the therapeutic process so that I have every opportunity to achieve the goals that are important to me. I also really appreciate a Therapist who is confident within themselves, whereby they’re not afraid to challenge me and when necessary, call me out!
I also value Therapists who encourage me, celebrate my achievements (even the seemingly small ones) and who hold a sense of hope that recovery is possible - especially during the times when I’ve lost hope and I can’t do this for myself.
The final issue that guides me in terms of knowing if I’ve found the right Therapist, is in relation to emotional ruptures - which unfortunately are an inevitable part of most of our relationships 
Therefore, for me, it’s about how comfortable I feel to raise the issues that have contributed to these and how willing my Therapist is to understand what has happened for me and how commited they are to working with me to address and repair the issues that have resulted in the rupture
I was thinking about your second question when you asked ‘is it good to change every now and then?
Although there have definitely been times in my life when I’ve felt that it was in my best interest to find another Therapist, my decisions have been guided by specific events that have been a deal breaker for me, rather than the amount of time that I’ve been attending appointments with a particular Therapist
I hope that this helps you a little bit
Take care of yourself,
ShiningStar
