Lived Experience Forum

[Busylady01]

For years I've been depressed. Some days are worse than others, but for the most part, I plod along in daily life. I tend to keep myself very busy so I don't have time to think about the things that keep me depressed. I would like to get counselling but I fear getting it would end my professional career, and government positions. No one with mental illness can be what I am and be open about it. So I struggle.

I'm not sure yet if this forum is a safe place to tell my story. If it turns out that it is, then I will give you the truth in an attempt to find some answers to why I feel the way I do.

Thank you for reading my stuff and taking the time to reply.

Sincerely,

Busylady01

[utopia]

@Busylady01. This is a safe space to say anything you need to. There is no judgement here.
I don't think I could cope without my therapy.
It's literally saved my life.
Some people on this site are like me - very open about our MI (mental illness). Others choose not to disclose. So you don't need to tell your employer or anyone you don't want to know. Psychologists will not disclose your therapy to your employer. It is confidential.
You have been struggling with this depression for a long time. When will you put you first and get some professional help. You deserve to feel alive again.

[Kurra]

@Busylady01

I work government. I've always been completely honest and open about my mental health issues and have been seeing a psychologist regularly throughout my working life. I still have my job with the same department and if anything the department has appreciated my honesty. It has also meant they could help me when my world has been tough.

As long as you remain able to fulfill the inherent requirements of the job they can't do anything. I always make any appointments I have late in the day so that my absence causes the least disruption possible.

[Busylady01]

Thanks Utopia,

I have been thinking about seeking treatment. I have one major obstacle at home, my husband. I'm afraid he will think it's stupid and unnecessary and become an obstacle for treatment. He is very doting on me and keeps records of everything I do from GP visits to uni scores, I'm afraid he'd ask for the records from the Psychologist. If I said no, he'd start thinking I was saying stuff about him and get angry and complain heaps about the cost of counselling, etc. to get me to abandon therapy. To be honest, he is quite the complainer, always has been. I secretly think that if he didn't have something to complain about that he wouldn't be happy. However, the complaining brings a negative vibe into life that is constant. He complains about the way I do things, food, how I brush the dog, how often I vacuum, even how much I read the Bible and go to church. I try to forgive that and keep moving, but it's been 14 years of this and my life was no bed of roses before with being attacked by 13 guys one night as I walked home from work. I went into mental illness in a big way and have walked out the other side with minimal help from therapy. Now I feel it all crashing down on me again with my volunteering in the community org and the people withholding important information about their illnesses and then blaming me publically for not knowing them better.I feel hated.

[NikNik]

@Busylady01 I'm so glad you found this community 🙂

It sounds like A LOT of pressure you're under. You have every right to reach out to get the help you deserve. 

I know you mentioned your husband might be an obstacle in this, however, it's so important to put yourself first. You are entitled to 10 free appointments with a psychologist each year - which your GP can refer you to. I hope that at least satisfies one aspect that your husband might find problematic. Your psychologist will keep everything private and confidential and you can choose what you tell you husband and keep what you want private.

I'm so sorry to read that you were attacked - no one should go through that. It sounds like you have done well to get through what you have, without a lot of support. I do hope you continue to reach out and seek the help you deserve.

The community is always here if you want to share what's going on, bounce ideas off and/or ask for advice.

Hope to 'see' you around the forums again soon.

[Busylady01]

Hi Nikki,
Thank you for your very nice response. This is the first time I have been back t the frum since I was attacked online for what I said. It scared me off the sight for a few years. I am back now because I lost a job I dearly loved and I ended up in the Mental health ward for 10 days at the hospital. The depression was the worst and the grief at the loss of my beloved position. I am coming back t get some help and advice from my peers and hopefully, everyone will play nice this time.

Kind regards,
Busylady01