Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

Wonder if this is of any interest to forumites ....

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210507-asexuality-the-ascent-of-the-invisible-sexual-orientat... 

[Corny]

Thank you for your post @Appleblossom.

I am not asexual myself, but I have tried my best to understand it, I have met people through life that have said to me, "I am asexual". I think what confuses me is just when I think that I have grasped it intellectually, someone will write an article that confuses me.....for example I read an article in The Guardian that was written by an English model that was asexual some months back........the part that confused me was the examples that were given. In one section of the article described a gay man that was in a relationship, but that he doesn't really have any desire for sex.......but he was in a relationship do you know what I mean? Is that offensive that I am confused? Corny 

[Appleblossom]

Idk @Corny 

I guess that most people go through periods of being more or less asexual ... even guys have their moments ... if they live long enough ... seems a lot of confusion all round really.  Young people invent new terms ... like ace and aro ... at first  read it as aromatic ... (dropped the n) and allied it to asensiality ... so I am probably no help at all ... 

Some people bang on ... are sure they know it all ... like a guy said in Jan to me I must be gay cos I worked at  local zoo ... I was polite back to him as was visiting his missus ... but found out today he had a frontal lobe bleed ... so go figure ...

back to idk ... 

[Corny]

Yes, I suppose that some people do - and some people don't @Appleblossom .

All I know is that you do not have to explain yourself. You are accepted, just as you are. I think you are amazing, just to survive, what you have. And a part of me is angry too. That the sensual had to become complicated. Why can't you have the depth of experiences that un-traumatised people get to experience. Why do we have to live in the perpetually examined life......people take it for granted how free they are sexually. 

I guess what confused me in the articles I have read, is that if a Hetero couple marry and #1 of them comes out as homosexual, the other partner feels betrayed. I asked myself after reading the article, if I was in a relationship, and my girl came to me and said, "I am asexual".....would I feel betrayed, in the same way as if she came to me and said, "I think that I am straight!....Eeeeek......I cannot compete with the phallus! I know that much....(is that word allowed on these forums?!).....it would be really hard, and a part of me thought, that the only way it could work is if 2 asexual people were lovers. I hope that I have not offended you 

Maybe it is like MI. Some of us oscillate widly, and others of us have severe symptoms from a young age, but they do not change much over the life span. They are severe, but stable if you know what I mean.....

Hugs, Corny 

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @Corny for acceptance.

Cyber hugs.

I have 2 cousins whose father came out gay after the marriage, one reason why I dont presume ....

[Corny]

Absolutely @Appleblossom , still happens a lot, in young and old.

Just because the closet door is unlocked, doesn't mean everyone chooses to open it and step through.

Corny 

[Appleblossom]

@Corny 

Now I am adding things up. Had 4 gay uncles. All in fairly dominant position, so do not buy into to the deal that they are all suffering from repression. Then I had a lady say I was gay. In terms of CSA I experienced it from both sides .. wot the hell does that mean. ... mainly neglect was extreme and protection and right to speak about it ... nil. I also worked in an area where sex issues were high with sex workers and trans people etc.  in the late 1970s ... so I am an old hand at both iscenes around mental illness and various sexualities.  It seems they are not totally unrelated. That uncle mentioned is also the one whose parkinsons tremor I mention when people are too gung ho about meds.  Not sure what to make of IDAHOBIT day though. Will be open minded with watchful waiting.

I managed to make 2 babies and saw enough dissatisfaction in both sides of queer world ... male and female ... not to get too interested in that as a path to liberation.

[Corny]

I agree with you @Appleblossom it is not all repression, in %100 of people. Some people know for sure, worse than that they hurt a lot of people. Gay men can be objectified just like women, and they are. My male gay mate says there are heaps of married men on hook-up apps in hetero relationships, that use them for sex and then dump them. Some people want to have their cake and eat it too.

I think that LGBTI people definitely do still suffer badly with their mental health. When I was in hospital there were a couple of trans people in there, one was there for ages like me and next door. They were suffering terribly, and in a dark depression, they had been in the public ward for months before coming to the clinic I was in.

You have had a lot to deal with @Appleblossom I totally get the neglect and lack of protection. Some women revere men, and they love their husband more than they love their children. They always have to have a man by their side and put his needs above everyone else's. Some women can't survive without patriarchy, in fact they feel lost without it.......you have created a little life for yourself, its very hard to live what you have lived through. Corny 

[Eden1919]

Hello @Corny and @Appleblossom  I hope I am not interrupting your conversation so far. I personally do identify as asexual and quite possibly aromantic as well. It is perfectly ok and normal for asexual people to want/be in relationships and it doesn’t make them any less asexual. Some asexual people will have sex and it doesn’t make them any less asexual. It took me a while to realize I was ace as I didn’t even know it existed for most of my life but it would have gone a long way to explain my feelings and experiences as a teenager and if I had known then I may have felt less odd and left out of certain discussions with my peers. I only know a few other ace people but we are all very different just like not every gay person is the same. If you have any questions about asexuality I would be happy to try my best to answer them. 

[Appleblossom]

@Corny  Hearing you that LGBT+ have more than a fair share of difficulties in this world.  I think for me I became a chameleon to survive and fit in with the changing social circumstances, so did not have a strong sense of who I was, coupled with being a people pleaser.  

I liked your input @Eden1919 

It is interesting how different generations conceptualise things.  If we stay open we can always learn.