This is such an important question! Lots of LGBTQIA+ people have experienced a great amount of trauma. Both on the collective level (eg. Our sexual orientation being illegal until recent times, or attacked in the media during the Marriage Equality plebiscite) but also an individual level (eg. Being estranged from family, rejected my friends and workplaces). This trauma has an enormous impact on all of us.
In my experience, this means a lot of community events centre on partying and excessive drinking. For me, this was initially the only context I felt I could express myself. And while many of us can engage in these activities in a healthy way, that’s not the case for everyone.
For me, it was initially the only way I knew how to engage with other LGBTQIA+ people. But I slowly started to realise that it wasn’t helping my recovery journey.
I don’t know if anyone has watched Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette comedy special? She calls herself a “quiet gay”. That’s what I realised I was. I was a queer person who wanted to sit around and knit, drink cups of tea.
So instead, I expressed this to some friends and we thought of ways to gain that sense of belonging without the harmful partying. So we
- Wanted to identify how trauma shaped us, address that and share our learnings with others
- Had a specific group chat to talk about and problem solve our crappy experiences
- We started “wholesome” activities together like queer birdwatching (my new favourite thing) or a movie night together
- We would be sober buddies at the big parties so we felt less out of place
- I’m planning on attending a queer knitting circle soon!
It took me a while, but I’ve built up a few friends who are queer and we catch up outside of drinking! And while I still occasionally attend big parties, it’s no longer central to my identity as a queer person.
