Lived Experience Forum

[FitMum]

Hi everyone,

New to the forum and looking for your thoughts on how you'd handle and feel about my situation. My (recently separated) partner went into a psychotic episode and I experienced harrassment, I had to make calls to he police and also had visits from the police for missing person??! It was a really scary experience and I did not know he has schizophrenia. His mother (next of kin and designated carer) didn't tell me and my partner kept this from me all this time (20 years). Once in hospital I found the antipsychotic medication and learnt of the illness.

I feel betrayed that I was not told of the illness and there wasn't earlier intervention when I called out for help. I did everything that you shouldn't do during what was the predome stage showing signs and symptoms of depression and drug abuse.

We have a young child together, I am primary carer and doing well but I am now fearful of a relapse in the future if he stops his medication again. I also don't trust his family to tell me about his treatment plan, they have kept secrets from me for this long. His mother wants to see our child but I've asked for space so I can heal from the trauma. 

Would you be able to forgive after so much betrayal, fear and trauma? I don't think I can ever trust them and can only think how I protect myself and my son.

Your thoughts, advice, if you've been in a similar situation would really like to hear from you 

[Basil]

Hi @FitMum 

Welcome to the forums! It can take a lot of courage to post our experiences, so thank you for sharing. I can't imagine the painful and conflicting feelings you are sitting with, so I am glad you have come here so you can be less alone in those feelings. Hopefully some other members will pop in here, sometimes it might take a little time, but please feel free to have a look around and jump in some other threads that feel right for you. 

Also, if you feel like you might need some more support at the moment, please feel free to reach out to the SANE Help Centre too.

Warmest,

Basil (Moderator)

[Maggie]

@FitMum  Welcome to the forums.

I think the question of forgiveness is a huge one. Some choose to forgive, but not forget. I think there is wisdom in that. My own personal experience with forgiveness has been a struggle. A wise person said to me, “ Some things are unforgivable “. I found that a great relief. Only you can decide. Choice is ours.

Betrayal is a awful experience, and secrets are not a solid building ground. Trust is earned, not a gift, in my opinion.

I think you have every right to have some space for you and your son. You matter in all of this too.

A forum tip. The @ bribgs a dropdown, that’s how we tag each other.

You might like to meet a few others around the forums, so I’ll add a few threads that you might be interested in, but not pressure at all. Take care.

Good Morning 

The safe room- somewhere to just come and sit.... offload... feel supported 

[FitMum]

Thank you for the reply, what you have said is very comforting and so true. I feel like only time can heal the trauma of the experience. I really just want space to be the strongest I can be for what is to come. I'm told a bumpy road ahead 😣  I've asked his mother a few times I need space, everytime I receive a message from her I just get anxious and I think the trauma comes back. It is now doing more harm then good and pushing me further away. I'm just not in a place where I can feel compassionate and empathise.

Thank you for listening x