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Mooma75
Casual Contributor

New Mum to BPD

Hi all, 

Being my first post and about to pick my D23 up tomorrow from our 1st stint in a Mental Health Unit from being sectioned ,, I'm nervous , not ready, exhausted , drained , sad , as the last week has been heartbreaking . 
My D23 really started to show signs when she was 14. Her feelings of abandonment or not good enough from her father came out with self harm. 
Since that first frightful  discovery of her self harm I have stood by her in every dr visit , counselling session , ambulance trip , breakup of BF's , pregnancy termination at 17. Herpies, smoking pot ,yo-yo on and off her antidepressants  and now we are at the next horrible stage of being suicidal. 
I have been a single Mum majority of her life , and still am with a 10yr as well . Currently D23 lives with her BF of 2 yrs just around the corner. I am after advice on " setting boundaries " the emotional blackmail is killing me, the tantrums I can't have around my 10yr anymore. 
Please any assistance will be very much appreciated at this point . 

5 REPLIES 5

Re: New Mum to BPD

Hello @Mooma75 and a big welcome to the forums 💕

 

Gosh I'm so sorry for what you are going through, it would be extremely emotional and heartbreaking. Whilst my situation is different I can relate to a great deal of your situation and emotions and I do feel for you very much. 

 

By now you would have picked up your daughter. I hope it went as well as it could? Boundaries are vital for both of you. Its also important you look after you. I have anxiety as a result of caring for my son. So many carers end up with burnout. Self care needs to be a given. 

 

Here's a link to a group that might provide you with guidance and help with boundaries:

https://saneforums.org/t5/Useful-resources/BPD-Free-family-connections-class/m-p/459296/highlight/tr...

 

Also some.links to pages for carers:

https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/mentalhealth/Pages/family-mh-program.aspx

 

https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/emergency-help/helping-someone-else/

 

I hope these and being here helps. You aren't alone, there are many that will relate and be able to offer insight, compassion and an ear.

Take care of you 🙏💕

 

Re: New Mum to BPD

Hello again @Mooma75 

On the home page there is a fabulous blog about BPD, also if you scroll down to topics you can select ones of interest. X

Re: New Mum to BPD

Hi. You sound like a good mum.  Just tell your daughter how much you love her how much she means to you.  Pick one thing each time you see her which is good... Ie her hair.... Her thought or ideas.... How smart she is... Her style...... Her skin.... Just one thing good or that you appreciate.  Don't abandon her... Try to do this or have her visit when the younger one is at school until you get some sort of routine or rapport.  Small gestures mean. More than big ones.  She is still our baby but just grown up... Sorry I am not good at boundaries.... I have had to see a family member less especially when they are really negative and not listening.  Some distance has helped... But it makes me feel terrible... But it was too toxic... My help unappreciated... Now the family member is asking. Me to come around with food... But didn't appreciate it before.  Not sure this helps. 

Re: New Mum to BPD

Update . - We survived day 1 

only just ... GP visit today Psychologist tomorrow. 
D23 is very low still wanting to harm herself and "just wants to go back to the MH unit"

once she has her medication she sleeps but then we start the roller coaster all over again pretty much every 3 hours. 
I have rearranged my life my work and my 10yr old so he does not witness this . Feeling helpless yet feel like I'm holding not just my D23 up but all the relatives who have only my voice over the phone and don't see or hear what I do. This is going to be a long road I know , and I know I will find the strength but heart is in pieces. 

Re: New Mum to BPD

Thank you. We are not at that stage yet . D23 is still very fragile and just wants to self harm still . We are only getting very small minutes of no tears throughout the day .
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