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Ausmaid
Casual Contributor

Lost

Hi. I joined some time ago to read others experiences but first time posting. I lived with my friend who has schizophrenia for over 3 years. It was up abd down but mostly good. He moved out for a few months but came back. That is when I noticed he had changed and not for the better. I still don't understand why but he was filled with aggression. I couldn't even talk to him. We would have many arguments and it was quite hard to see him this way and hurtful. Btw we are only friends nothing more. Then a few months after moving back in he met a lady. I was happy for him until he told me she was helping him get off his meds, supplying him with supplements to replace meds and teaching him spirituality. I was concerned and then saw him go downhill even further. I couldn't live with him anymore. We tried to maintain a friendship after moving apart, which was great for awhile but then he has completely cut me off, blocked me etc. I don't understand why. The last convo we had over the phone was lovely and he said he would be over in a few days to see me. When he didn't come I tried calling etc and nothing. I went to his place twice, not home and left a note to call me but nothing. I went late one night and he was home having a rather loud abusive conversation with himself or others in his head. Have heard him do this before but not like this. I did not interrupt him, just left. I'm so extremely worried but am lost as to what to do. Everyone tells me to just leave him be. It's hard with feeling worried but also hurt and confused as to why he's done this. We were such good friends. It's hard to accept it might be over 😢

7 REPLIES 7
tyme
Community Lead

Re: Lost

Hi @Ausmaid ,

 

Welcome to the forums and congratulations on taking this big step to post. 

 

I hear you are very concerned about your friend. 

 

Do you know whether he has other supports in place such as case management? 

 

Can it be said that perhaps at the moment, it is his illness that is speaking rather than his true care for you as his friend?

 

I hope he has effective supports in place so that your friendship can soon be restored.

 

In the meantime, do you have people you can also speak to? It is important that you feel connected and supported at this time.

 

Please take care, tyme

Ausmaid
Casual Contributor

Re: Lost

Hi @tyme

 

Thanks for your reply.

As far as I'm aware he has no support in place. Certainly not case management. His family arranged this for him once and he refused.

He would only have his lady friend for support right now. 

I do try to understand this has come about due to his mental illness and I guess why I feel it important to connect with him again to be there for him. But it seems this is a hard one. 

I have reached out for support for myself via online and also just spoke to a lovely lass on the phone that was very helpful. I'm going to see my doctor soon to arrange further help as I do accept that some of this issue is my reaction to the situation and how to handle it better. 

I don't really want to lose his friendship but maybe I need to be prepared that I might.

It's very sad. 

Thanks again 

Re: Lost

I'm a cult survivor. It took me years to escape/walk-away. The outside contact I managed to maintain made a difference.

 

The two main impacts were:

 

-the friend that saw the abuse and told me I didn't have to accept it.

 

-the family member who shared their intuition on what was happening while trusted me to trust my own.

 

Those two things broke the very specific formula of overt behavioral control. Namely the right to safety and the right to self. They are what's taken and what need to be restored.

Ausmaid
Casual Contributor

Re: Lost

@wellwellwellnez thanks for your reply.

 

So I guess you are saying to basically let him know I'm there for support then leave it with him to make his own decision? 

Re: Lost

Sort of but I'm not totally sure, really.

 

Like I say, it took me years. I'm glad I got out when I did. I still would of preferred to of gotten out sooner.

 

What would of got me out sooner is a harder question to answer, as it's in the hypothetical. Did I need to "learn the hard way"? I really can't tell you.

 

I guess what I'm generally saying is that cult types are sneaky. One way or another, the sun needs to shine in, so they can't hide in the shadows.

 

To use the mushroom analogy. When out of the dark, the shit that gets fed starts to smell more.

amber22
Peer Support Worker

Re: Lost

Hey there @Ausmaid 

 

Welcome to the forums, thank you so much for sharing what you are experiencing with us here, I am really glad that you have reached out about this. 

 

It can be really challenging seeing someone that we used to be so close with live with a mental health issue (especially if they have no support - which I see that you mentioned in a previous reply). You're definitely not alone in this feeling, it can be really confronting seeing someone that you used to know so well turn into a completely different person, I am sending lots of virtual hugs for this. It is obviously very different for each circumstance, but what I have experienced is when someone that is so close to me has a diagnosed mental health issue and is acting really hostile towards me or is isolating themselves, I find that is never really 'them' talking. It is their emotions and what they are experiencing.

 

Oftentimes when I get into depressive episodes, I tend to isolate myself and believe that no one really cares about it, so is it possible that your friend may be isolating themselves because they don't know how to cope with what they are going through at the moment, and think that that is best for them to do?

 

Has your friend seen anyone professional about their diagnosis since? If you can, it might help both you and your friend to reach out to their family members and see if there is anything that you can both research to set up (in terms of support for your friend)? 

 

It is also important to keep your own mental health as a priority during all this, so please reach out to your own support systems (and on here at the forums too!) if you feel your mental health declining because of this situation.

 

Sending lots of virtual hugs,

Amber22

Re: Lost

How are things going @Ausmaid ?

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